FFS Friday!!

Being from the Southwest US has its advantages. No snow, no rain, and no green vegetation being some of them.

Mexican cuisine is VERY popular down here. Not Taco Bell Mexican cuisine, I'm talking serious "you better  find the location of every restroom between this place and your house" Mexican cuisine. A lot of the restaurants make sure to let everyone know what style Mexican cuisine they have. Everything from mariscos to the standby arroz con pollo.

Much like the rest of the world, Mexican cuisine is different by region. Granted, I was unaware of each region's specialties, but a big one here is Sonoran style cuisine. All I know about Sonoran style cuisine is that it's Mexican food.

Now, forward to driving around downtown Mesa. Imagine my surprise to see this local joint touting Sonoran   food.

What.

Of course, I laughed at this, and said "Go home hot dog stand, you are drunk". But then, I decided to found out what exactly was going on here. Turns out.....it's a real thing.

The Sonoran-style or Estilo Sonora hot dog, found in Tucson, Metro Phoenix, and in neighboring Sonora, Mexico, is a hot dog wrapped in mesquite-smoked bacon then cooked on a grill or on a griddle or comal,^[2] then topped with beans, grilled onions, fresh onions, tomatoes, mayonnaise, cream sauce, mustard and Jalapeno salsa or sauce and served on bread and often with a side fresh-roasted chili. It originated in Hermosillo, the capital of Sonora.

So...hot dog, wrapped in bacon, toppings, MAYONNAISE, CREAM SAUCE and JALAPENO SALSA.

Stay tuned for the review post, y'all.

Have a great weekend SooperPhrends! 

FFS Friday!

I believe that children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride.

Damn, someone should write that shit down. That's catchy.

This is a throwback post. I posted this picture on my personal Facebook wall while a looooong time ago, the end of January, 2011 to be exact. Recently, I've seen a lot of teacher fails on the interwebz, so I decided to dust this old picture off, and share it with all of my SooperPhrends.

This was an assignment for a 2nd grade class at my children's school (the same one they're attending now). Anyone notice a problem here?

This disturbed me for two reasons. It means that a child picked Ms. Rowling for his/her assignment, and also THE TEACHER SIGNED OFF ON IT.

Future leaders, y'all. That's what we're pumping out.

Have a good weekend!!

FFS Friday!

Streaking is a part of sports culture. Usually the massively drunken, poor choice, humiliation from co-workers and family part of sports culture. Usually.

File this in the "there's an exception to every rule" department. At a high school game, some guy decides to go "Frank the Tank" and run onto the field naked.

Except this dude has a plan. A badass lucha libre mask masks his awesomeness so that the humiliation may be offset until the time he gets caught...............if he gets caught.



...................................for those of us with external.........sensitive areas of our bodies, if you didn't cringe when the dude hurdles the railing AND THEN scales the chain link fence and still has his manhood intact, you may as well shed a tear, because that is an epic feat. Also, not only did he do the Birthday Suit Triathlon,  he was forward thinking enough to have a getaway plan.

Well played, Naked Libre. Well played.

FFS Friday!

In case you guys didn't hear, I have a dog in this year's Super Bowl hunt. The Niners made it in with a rookie QB, and a sick case of the runs. (Get it?)

So, I came across this video, some of you may have seen it already, but it's a Norwegian dude doing insane things with a football. Which is weird, because I didn't know football was big in Norwegia.

Trick shot videos are nothing new, but this guy is good. On the other hand, he's a kicker, and if you had to pick the least favorite position on a football team, it would be the kicker 99 times out of a hundred. Kickers are the guys that took their sister to prom. No kid wants to grow up to be Sebastian Janikowski or Scott Norwood. Is the Patriots kicker married to a supermodel? Didn't think so.

But. FFS, this guy is good.

Have a good weekend, y'all. Soop OUT.

FFS Friday!!

I just overheard this on the radio here locally, and had to check it out for myself.

Some of you may remember when I volunteered in my 4th grader's class, and saw a child wearing a shirt with this:

A thinly veiled threat.

For those of you that are unaware, this is Arizona State University's new "marketing" campaign. The "hand gesture" is supposed to be a pitchfork, which is the Sun Devil's weapon of choice. Shouts of "Fork 'Em" have been heard at Sun Devil Stadium for years.......but this is different. Again, for those unaware, let me show you what this hand gesture means on the streets, yo (I'm so hood):

The shocker, also known colloquially as "two in the pink, one in the stink"^[1][2] is a hand gesture with a sexual connotation.^[3] The ring finger and thumbare curled or bent down while the other fingers are extended. The index and middle fingers are kept together (touching) and the back of the hand faces outwards (away from the gesturer). The gesture refers to the act of inserting the index and middle fingers into a vagina and the little finger into the receiver's anus, hence the "shock".

So, imagine my surprise to see this in a 4th grade classroom. NOW, I hear that some schools have taken to twitter to further support their sports programs. How, you ask? Let me introduce you to Sundevilboobs.

It's pretty tame, actually. No nudity (that I saw), just a bunch of women in ASU gear, throwing up the "pitchfork". Way to solidify yourselves as an institute of higher education, ASU. On the other hand, the school did slip some spots in the coveted Playboy Top Party School poll last year, so maybe this is an attempt to redeem themselves.

Oh, by the way, they're not the only school with this Twitter campaign. The Iowa Hawkeyes, University of Illinois, Louisville, University of West Virginia, UNLV, and Kansas State also have similar pages.

So.....show your support ladies! Your dads are all very proud of what you've accomplished by supporting your school!


 

FFS Friday

Alright, peeps, back to the funny stuff. I heard you all, and this monkey dances. Just be sure to grind that organ, will ya? (Thatsoundedsodirtybutilikeit)

Anyways, have you peeps ever woken up in the morning, and said "Self, I missed the alarm. Looks like I'm cutting the shower out of the routine this morning, because I sure as hell ain't missin' my Starbucks."?

Sometimes, it happens. I get it. The time is short, and you have responsibilities, dammit! So you find all your clothes from.............what's her face's floor, do the finger toothbrush (don't you lie, you know you've done it), and leave in order to make it to work on time. The fact that your pores are leaking the remnants of last night's margarita bender, and your breath smells like.....something that your breath should NOT smell like, don't register to you. YOU'RE LATE FOR WORK DAMMIT. RESPONSIBILITIES. Then you curse to yourself because you're probably going to be too tired to stay out until closing time tonight. Fucking responsibilities.

Then you remember. In your lack of performing hygiene, you forgot that you have messy hair. GASP! Let me introduce you to....I shit you not.....a product called "Morninghead".


There it is folks. An absorbent shower cap that you fill with water, because showering is hard, yo.
And it better be bottled water, because tap water is DISGUSTING.

They actually are trying to market this to bike commuters and motorcyclists, which is a better sell than the one-night stand escapees......but the name. I cannot with the name. Might as well just have called it the JBF* Pro Hairstylist 3000. Copyright pending, bitches.



*JBF is an acronym for those unawares. The first two words are Just Been. Figure the rest out for yourself.

Parent of the Year 2012

As the year draws to a close, we are bound to start seeing the "Best of 2012" lists. Here at SooperHQ, we are also doing the Best of 2012....but for parents.

And not the cute mom and son playing together, or the dad that gave his kidney to his daughter. I'm talking about WTF parenting. All of us can't be Ward or June Fucking Cleaver (it's really their middle names, both of them) all the time. There are times where we slip. Unfortunately, these slips have made it to the interwebz.

So, without further ado, I give you the nominees for WTF Parenting of the year 2012. Leave a comment with the number of your vote, and we'll crown someone the WTF Parents? of the year!

1.

Many of you have seen this picture over the past year.....what goes better with Jack than smokes?

2.

Passenger safety, brought to you buy your local grocer.

3.

Carpooling at its finest. Also, F*$k tha police.

4. 

Yes. Don't trust the kids with an iPad? Get a firearm!

5. 

I got those bitches some Heiny. Bitches love the Heiny.

6.

What's worse? The fact that this guy is lazy enough to do this, or the kid getting a CO facial?

7.

The raccoons had finally initiated parents into their lunch money bullying pyramid scheme.

8.

A cleaner, more efficient lazy parent than the dude on the motorcycle.

9.

Sir. You obviously are an idiot. The baby goes where the arrow says.

10.

Nothing says fun like urban camo and electrocuting children.

11.

Economics, PE (sports on the TV), Social Networking. I see no problem here.

12.

The all new Toyota Tundra. Seating for 25.

13. 

Not making fun of fat people, at least she's trying. But, holy hell, she HAS to know her kid is uncomfortable.

There ya go! 2012 WTF Parents of the year nominees! Have a good weekend, SooperPhrends!

FFS Fried-ay

America has an obesity problem. If it's not pounded into your head by your doctors, it's the media, government, and anybody else that will listen. I agree that America has an obesity issue. The issue is that we make AWESOME, delicious food.

Shock eating is nothing new. Any schlub can make an insanely fatty, grease-laden, cheese spouting, bacon topped monstrosity of a burger. As a matter of fact, before they moved to Sin City (ironic, isn't it?), the Heart Attack Grill (music autoplays in link, be careful) was located about 5 miles from where I currently live now. They prided themselves on the fat content of their burgers. Their largest burger, the Quadruple Bypass is 2 lbs of beef. There's a fair amount of shock involved there.

Meanwhile, the atmosphere is peaceful and serene.

Now, I get the shock factor. But when I came across this......this tribute to all that is gluttonous and great, my heart sighed, my arteries shivered, and my mouth cursed. BEHOLD!

ER. MER. GERD.

Slater's 50/50 restaurants in California created the Doughnut Burger. A "50/50 patty" (half bacon, half beef), topped with an egg (sunny side up), in between two glazed doughnuts. While this burger may be a little over the top, Slater's actually seems like a "gourmet burger" joint. Some of their ideas, though.......sheesh. Here are a few:

Fried Chicken and Pancakes - Fried chicken topped with  house-made-bacon-infused-country gravy, two strips of thick cut bacon, and a fried egg between three buttermilk pancakes, smothered in real maple syrup. 

Peanut Butter Jellousy Burger - Ground beef topped with thick cut bacon, creamy peanut butter and strawberry jelly, served on a honey wheat bun.

And the best: Drumroll please..........

Thanksgiving Burger - A juicy ground turkey patty with stuffing, turkey gravy, cranberry sauce, and sage mayonnaise, served on a honey wheat bun.

I may have to make a special trip to California for this place. And Dr. Wright, if you somehow happen to stumble upon this pinnacle of humbleness that is my blog.....you never read this. No se habla ingles. Por Favor. Muy bien. Gracias, senor.

FFS Friday

**WARNING** This post contains graphic stuff. If you are easily grossed out or just not in the mood to think about gross stuff, you should probably go now. Seriously.

This past Sunday, I got to go with my mom as she treated my youngest to B's Day, which is basically a shopping spree for whatever he decides to grab off the shelf. We went to the sporting goods section of Wal-Mart looking for a basketball, and I happened across this pearl of higher evolution.

Interesting. My dad is a hunter. He always had things for his hunts kept separately from our regular camping stuff. I've never in my life seen this lawn dart looking thing. I wanted to know what exactly it was used for, so I turned it over and read the instructions.

BIG. MISTAKE.

I'm considering veganism as a viable option. Have a good weekend y'all! I'm going to puke.

FFS FRIDAY!

If you've read this blog for any extended period of time, you know how I feel about complaining about Facebook. People still don't seem to understand that most of the time anything posted on Facebook becomes public domain......like, to the entire world.

So, in order to educate those that don't know....a website called We Know What You're Doing uses Facebook's Graph API (a program that Facebook uses for other programs to integrate with Facebook), some pretty simple keywords, and posts PUBLIC information on a website. 

There is A LOT of hungover people for a Friday morning. 

Some of you (like me) don't really mind putting your whole life on public display.....but if there was ever a reason to self-censor....this might be it.

FFS.

FFS Friday!

Remember Garfield? The orange, lasagna guzzling, dog kicking cat with an attitude? Of course you remember him. Like him or not, his comic strip is a part of pop culture, and spawned a couple of horrible, horrible, horrible motion pictures. The movies were so bad, even Jennifer Love Hewitt, and her AMAZING chest couldn't make them worthwhile.

But Garfield is a very polarizing character. You either love him, or hate him. So....what if you could read Garfield.....without Garfield?

Meet Garfield Minus Garfield. A website that takes Garfield comic strips, and strips them of Garfield. If you don't want to scroll through months of hilariousness, here's the short version.

Jon looks like he's a fucking psycho.

The End.

Does this make my butt look AWESOME?

Guys. We've all got the butt question before. You know, the one that your significant other asks when you're going out in public, and he/she wants to look really, really good because she's going out with your sloppy ass? "Does this make my butt look big?"

You'll have better luck explaining the tax code to a 2nd grader.

There's no right answer to this question. If you say no, you're lying. If you say yes, you're a jerk. The only way out of this catch-22 is to mumble something incoherently, and nod and agree with whatever comes out of her mouth immediately afterwards.

Now, guys. Now women have a whole new game plan. I introduce to you, D.Hedral underwear for men.

My female readership just increased by a factor of ten.

"What's so special about these chonies, SooperDad?", you ask. See that "Y" shape up there? The man-thong? Allegedly, it's to help your ass out...

D.HEDRAL underwear is designed to become your second skin.

We achieve this using our ANGLEFIT technology to create a unique shape that fits your bum perfectly. 

Ah, yes. Our "second skin". Because it's so convincing that you have the average joe's best interest in mind when you post a pic of THAT GUY wearing your male lingerie. Why not post Bubba at 250 and tout the strength of your elastic waistband holding up his beer gut? I bet your "second skin" would look FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC on Gilbert Gottfried. It's OBVIOUS who this target market is. It's not dudes like you and me, who watch football and pound bacon and fried snack foods into our gullets. 

Do these carbs make my gut look big?

50 Shades of *CENSORED*

So....

My wife is an aesthetician. She has access to all kinds of body creams, exfoliants, scrubs, serums, and other foofy things. She likes to try out new drugstore options too. Like chocolate-scented kids soap. I had the great fortune to join her on a jaunt out to her supply shop yesterday afternoon, where upon I stumbled onto this gem.

WHAT.

If you can't read the THREE FOOT TALL DISPLAY CASE, it is for a product called "Betty". Their slogan is "Color for the hair down there".

Yeah.

It's box dye for your crotches, ladies. A THREE FOOT TALL DISPLAY CASE OF VAGINA DYE.

We'll get back to the crotch coloring in a minute. Let's have a serious discussion, ladies.

I've been married for 14 years. I have the same reaction to seeing a vajay now as I did when I was 17. My eyes widen, my heart races, and I can assure you that the COLOR of the carpet (unless it's hardwood flooring) does not factor into any equation whatsoever. The simple fact that I get to see it is the thing. It could have Medusa tentacles coming out of it, and I would still be in awe. I can't speak for all men, but my guess is that a good majority of them wouldn't even know your original "hair down there" color anyways.

Now, back to the paint by numbers kits. Betty has a website. As I grimaced through this website in absolute awe of the dumbfuckeryness of this whole concept, I saw this page. For Bridal Betty (all the "Betty"s have names. Black is "Black Betty", Ocean Blue is "Malibu Betty", etc.). BRIDAL BETTY COMES WITH STENCILS Y'ALL. So you can be a classy, sophisticated bride bent over the bathtub squeezing food coloring on your lady bits the day before your big day.

So I snicker...wait...wh...........what.............WHAT THE FUCKERY FUCKING FOOK IS THIS?

BOTTOM. LEFT. CORNER.

This shit is marketed towards MEN too? Oh...it gets better folks. Testimonials from men who were "embarrassed when getting intimate" about how GREY THEIR PUBES WERE. FFS. Okay, look, it might be an issue for some dudes, I get that. But really, it's not a fashion show. The fact that anyone is close enough to even see your crank is a prize in itself.

Have we really gotten this crazy about our body image in society that we need to "spice it up" by changing the color of body hair that the general public doesn't see anyways?

*LE SIGH*

FFS Friday!

Remember a few weeks back when I told you the dangers of using holograms in lieu of dead musicians?

IT'S FUCKING HAPPENING.

Here is a link to the whole article. FFS.

FFS Friday!

I had something else planned for today, but this headline caught my eye this morning.

Green Lantern is gay.

First of all, YES, THIS IS ANOTHER COMIC BOOK POST. GET OVER IT.

Second of all, understand that I have no issue with gay people or the LGBT community. None whatsoever. I feel that what you do is your biznass. What I DO have an issue with is using sexuality for shock value.

DC has caught some heat for it's "New 52", the rebooting of basically every superhero they have. Apparently, in the reboot of Green Lantern, DC is making the decision to make Alan Scott (the original Green Lantern) openly gay.

Here's why this is FFS worthy. Green Lantern is one of the few superheroes that can manifest itself in a different person. The ring has been with no less than SIX different people during the original DC run.

So, if DC wanted to make an openly gay superhero (that could change hosts), why not just introduce a NEW Green Lantern? Some reboots of classic superheroes this sexuality shift could be difficult, but the "he who holds the ring" status of the Green Lantern lends itself to easily creating a new persona whenever artists feel the need for a fresh start. Or...why can't there be a BRAND NEW openly gay superhero?

It's a huge honor for the LGBT community to have a hero with the status of Green Lantern, but if DC was really committed to honoring gays with a superhero, and they weren't just in it to raise eyebrows and sell comics, why wouldn't they invest time into creating an awesome storyline with an awesome new superhero to give the gay community a superhero they could rally behind?

FFS DC.

FFS Friday!

Paul is dead. Paul is dead. Paul is dead.

Remember when parents everywhere lost their shit because they thought their kids' Beatles album was speaking to them when played backwards?

Apparently, we were WAY off base, seeing as how Paul is the last one left........what?? What do you mean Ringo is still alive? 

Unless you believe James Richards.

Mr. Richards tells his story of knocking himself unconcious, to wake up in a parallel universe, being convalesced by a man named Jonas, who had in his possession an unreleased (in our dimension) Beatles TAPE. He explains that the Beatles never broke up, were all alive and well, and still touring.

Abbey Road is thier bitch.

Mr. Richards then went back through the magic portal to our dimension, having pilfered the tape from Jonas, and put all the songs on the internet for everyone to enjoy.

F.F.S.

I'm a huge fan of Fringe, which more or less is dealing with the "alternate dimensions" storyline. But, I mean....c'mon.

FFS, if these people had a DIMENSIONAL PORTAL, why would they still be using CASSETTE TAPES.

I'm sure I could poke another few holes in his theory, but I just can't come up with the energy to put into this nutjob.