Parent of the Year 2012

As the year draws to a close, we are bound to start seeing the "Best of 2012" lists. Here at SooperHQ, we are also doing the Best of 2012....but for parents.

And not the cute mom and son playing together, or the dad that gave his kidney to his daughter. I'm talking about WTF parenting. All of us can't be Ward or June Fucking Cleaver (it's really their middle names, both of them) all the time. There are times where we slip. Unfortunately, these slips have made it to the interwebz.

So, without further ado, I give you the nominees for WTF Parenting of the year 2012. Leave a comment with the number of your vote, and we'll crown someone the WTF Parents? of the year!

1.

Many of you have seen this picture over the past year.....what goes better with Jack than smokes?

2.

Passenger safety, brought to you buy your local grocer.

3.

Carpooling at its finest. Also, F*$k tha police.

4. 

Yes. Don't trust the kids with an iPad? Get a firearm!

5. 

I got those bitches some Heiny. Bitches love the Heiny.

6.

What's worse? The fact that this guy is lazy enough to do this, or the kid getting a CO facial?

7.

The raccoons had finally initiated parents into their lunch money bullying pyramid scheme.

8.

A cleaner, more efficient lazy parent than the dude on the motorcycle.

9.

Sir. You obviously are an idiot. The baby goes where the arrow says.

10.

Nothing says fun like urban camo and electrocuting children.

11.

Economics, PE (sports on the TV), Social Networking. I see no problem here.

12.

The all new Toyota Tundra. Seating for 25.

13. 

Not making fun of fat people, at least she's trying. But, holy hell, she HAS to know her kid is uncomfortable.

There ya go! 2012 WTF Parents of the year nominees! Have a good weekend, SooperPhrends!

FFS Fried-ay

America has an obesity problem. If it's not pounded into your head by your doctors, it's the media, government, and anybody else that will listen. I agree that America has an obesity issue. The issue is that we make AWESOME, delicious food.

Shock eating is nothing new. Any schlub can make an insanely fatty, grease-laden, cheese spouting, bacon topped monstrosity of a burger. As a matter of fact, before they moved to Sin City (ironic, isn't it?), the Heart Attack Grill (music autoplays in link, be careful) was located about 5 miles from where I currently live now. They prided themselves on the fat content of their burgers. Their largest burger, the Quadruple Bypass is 2 lbs of beef. There's a fair amount of shock involved there.

Meanwhile, the atmosphere is peaceful and serene.

Now, I get the shock factor. But when I came across this......this tribute to all that is gluttonous and great, my heart sighed, my arteries shivered, and my mouth cursed. BEHOLD!

ER. MER. GERD.

Slater's 50/50 restaurants in California created the Doughnut Burger. A "50/50 patty" (half bacon, half beef), topped with an egg (sunny side up), in between two glazed doughnuts. While this burger may be a little over the top, Slater's actually seems like a "gourmet burger" joint. Some of their ideas, though.......sheesh. Here are a few:

Fried Chicken and Pancakes - Fried chicken topped with  house-made-bacon-infused-country gravy, two strips of thick cut bacon, and a fried egg between three buttermilk pancakes, smothered in real maple syrup. 

Peanut Butter Jellousy Burger - Ground beef topped with thick cut bacon, creamy peanut butter and strawberry jelly, served on a honey wheat bun.

And the best: Drumroll please..........

Thanksgiving Burger - A juicy ground turkey patty with stuffing, turkey gravy, cranberry sauce, and sage mayonnaise, served on a honey wheat bun.

I may have to make a special trip to California for this place. And Dr. Wright, if you somehow happen to stumble upon this pinnacle of humbleness that is my blog.....you never read this. No se habla ingles. Por Favor. Muy bien. Gracias, senor.

WTFriday!

For many of us, television is a form of entertainment that has played a major part in our culture and enjoyment. Why shouldn't our pets get in on the action.

"Excuse me?" you say....

I say "DOGtv, the first network built exclusively FOR DOGS." 

This isn't even a joke. 

Through years of research with some of the world’s top pet experts, special content was created to meet specific attributes of a dog’s sense of vision and hearing and supports their natural behavior patterns. The result: a confident, happy dog, who's less likely to develop stress, separation anxiety or other related problems.

Or, you just get a dog that is going to hog the remote when YOU want to watch something. And become a couch potato.

WTFriday!

File this under "Whittling away an already small target market"

The Social Shower Curtain. For when you have to pretend to update your inane statuses while you shower. I'm waiting for the "Assbook" toilet seat.

WTFriday!

Being the father that lets thier children explore (controlled) on the internet, I have no problem with them and YouTube (I changed thier settings so they can't see boobies). 

My 10 year old is now a makeup maven (like momma), and follows several makeup channels, including an awesome little girl with cancer that is so full of life, she glows. Stay with me, this is not the WTF part.

 

While stumbling across the internet, I found something that confused me. My 10 year old, however, said "Dad!! You haven't seen that?!? OMG?!?!", then my wife also reiterated the same feeling, meaning that apparently, I'm not up to par on my youtube virals. It's called the Cinammon Challenge. Seriously. Search for "Cinnamon Challenge" on YouTube, and you get this:

About 25,200 results

 

 

 

 

 

 

WTFriday!

I stumbled across this next product in my interwebz searching. 

If you could have a glimmering moment of sunshine in your otherwise dismal cubicle sentence, how would finding a good sign at the bottom of your coffee cup. 

Here's why this product is brilliant. Rather than give you the impression that you're going to be blown away by your regular cup of half burned Folger's (because your company is "cutting costs", and they have to "sacrifice" and "trim the fat" by "getting rid of some luxury items" such as good coffee), the manufacturers make you wait until you have nearly drank the whole cup, because then you are 1000% less likely to strangle a co-worker.

I give you the "Minor Miracle - Our Lady of the Latte" coffee mug

Sometimes inspiration appears when you least expect it. For example, even a simple mug can confer a Minor Miracle— after you drink your morning coffee or tea, a vision of The Holy Mother materializes in the bottom of your cup. Take it as a sign — caffeine is GOOD. Don’t you think every day should start with a Minor Miracle? Beautiful giftbox packaging.

WTFriday!

Uhhhhhh......

The mission of Santa Barbara, CA-based BabyToupee and SmallHuman, LLC is to show that while parenting can be a great responsibility, it can also be a source of endless amusement. The company’s goal is to bring creative and fun products to market that make parenting a little more fun, all while bringing a smile to the face of their children. Life is too short to take seriously… have fun with your baby!

At over $20 bucks a pop.....I'll shave my dog and use that instead.

Jeez.......

If you are interested, here is the link.

WTFriday!

So, our last visit to Vegas with the kids went well. The kids had fun seeing all the lights and free stuff Vegas had to offer (which was a lot more than I could ever remember). And there were various costumed characters on the street for picture opportunities. I guess with the location, this was inevitable. Happy Friday folks!

 

WTFriday!

So, our last visit to Vegas with the kids went well. The kids had fun seeing all the lights and free stuff Vegas had to offer (which was a lot more than I could ever remember). And there were various costumed characters on the street for picture opportunities. I guess with the location, this was inevitable. Happy Friday folks!

 

WTFriday!

I took this pic of my daughter and goddaughter a while back, but I keep forgetting to use it on a WTFriday post. 

When you see it.........

P.S. - Thanks to Lexi for originally pointing this out!

WTFriday!

This week's WTF moment brought to you by the SooperSpowse.

While walking through the school after my son's spelling bee, my wife and I noticed a school-made sign proudly displaying Tiger Woods on it.

My wife said "What is he on a poster here for?"

Me (after reading said poster) "Apparently, he had a speech disorder." 

My wife, the kindest, sweetest, gentlest soul on the planet says:

"Speech, huh....well, we all know he doesn't have E.D."

Reminder: This was very loud and very near the administration section of an elementary school. I love that woman.

WTFriday!

The Sieckman boys are carnivores. In fact, it's been scientifically proven that our happiness is inversely proportional to the time it takes to prepare our food. We've been known to stand with the fridge door open, randomly snacking on various pieces of leftover beef, sandwich meat, or any other hunk of formerly living animal we can forage from the fray. 

Preeeeecccccioooooouuusssssssss......

So, as we were visiting my parents' house this past weekend, it didn't shock me to find a little present left by my father when I went to use their computer.

That's a good snack right there. Too bad it's not finished.

WTFriday!

Last week, SooperFan Brenda DLR pointed this CHILDREN'S EVENT out to me at our local Bass Pro Shop.

First of all, the event is sponsored by PBR, which stands for either Pretty Ballsy Ropers, or Professional Bull Riders (no, hipsters, it doesn't ALWAYS mean Pabst Blue Ribbon). Second of all, they are giving away COWBELLS to the first 150 CHILDREN......

As a parent, there has not been a moment in time where I thought to myself "C'mon kids, let's get there early, so we can get this free gift that is going to drive me insane when you create noise until all hours of the night. The neighbors are going to love you for waking up thier baby from it's nap when I let you out front with said loud noise-making device. Then, one day, the device will mysteriously disappear, leaving you in tears, and me feeling guilty that I threw that fucker about 400 yards in whatever direction I was facing after you fell asleep the night before."

And the other object, on the left side....there's an event called "Color Your Kickers" sponsored by a boot company.............

The only "Kickers" I know of were a derogatory reference to cowboys when I was in high school. We called them Shitkickers. But hey, what better way to teach children to embrace that derogatory stereotype and showing them how to be full of manners and intelligence.....by having them call thier boots SHITKICKERS. Am I the only one that sees this?

Happy Friday, y'all!

P.S. Last day to help me reach my goal for my Extra Life event tomorrow! Please donate anything you can!!!!

 

 

 

WTFriday!

To be honest, I wasn't going to do a WTFriday post this week. Feeling crappy and all.....but then my 4 year old reminded me why I do these posts. 

She has lately become obsessed with singing Selena Gomez's song "Tell Me Something I Don't Know", and will run up to me, sing the chorus, then stand there until I actually tell her something she doesn't know.

I was surprised the first time, so I think I made something up, but most of my "facts" are embellished. For instance, this exchange took place in the car 2 days ago.

Ally: "Tell me, tell me something I don't know. Dad."

Me: "The koala bear is the only indigenious bear to the Australian region, and can be quite deadly if provoked."

Ally: "That's a good one."

So, randomly she has been coming up singing the chorus, and demanding something she doesn't know. The pressure is too much!! If you have any random facts that I can use on her, PLEASE post them for me. Otherwise, I will have to ship her off to the only despository of trivial information that I know of........my father. 

Check out the full video. I'm becoming a fan of Selena Gomez. And I'm secure in my manhood.....go figure. Happy Friday!

 

WTFriday!

Seriously. I have to schedule appointments, because I'm sure my kids are 90% deaf (meaning they only hear 10% of what I say). I know now why the kids shows repeat everything 50 times...it's because until the age of 21, you don't listen the first 49. 

I ALMOST had a "moment". The below scene flashed through my brain, and I almost quoted it verbatim......

For those parents that sometimes feel like they're speaking a different language......enjoy!

Edit: Apparently, Mr. Tarantinto doesn't like embedding his work onto awesome blogs. Here is a link to the youtube video.(NSFW)

Do they speak English on What?