FFS Fried-ay

America has an obesity problem. If it's not pounded into your head by your doctors, it's the media, government, and anybody else that will listen. I agree that America has an obesity issue. The issue is that we make AWESOME, delicious food.

Shock eating is nothing new. Any schlub can make an insanely fatty, grease-laden, cheese spouting, bacon topped monstrosity of a burger. As a matter of fact, before they moved to Sin City (ironic, isn't it?), the Heart Attack Grill (music autoplays in link, be careful) was located about 5 miles from where I currently live now. They prided themselves on the fat content of their burgers. Their largest burger, the Quadruple Bypass is 2 lbs of beef. There's a fair amount of shock involved there.

Meanwhile, the atmosphere is peaceful and serene.

Now, I get the shock factor. But when I came across this......this tribute to all that is gluttonous and great, my heart sighed, my arteries shivered, and my mouth cursed. BEHOLD!

ER. MER. GERD.

Slater's 50/50 restaurants in California created the Doughnut Burger. A "50/50 patty" (half bacon, half beef), topped with an egg (sunny side up), in between two glazed doughnuts. While this burger may be a little over the top, Slater's actually seems like a "gourmet burger" joint. Some of their ideas, though.......sheesh. Here are a few:

Fried Chicken and Pancakes - Fried chicken topped with  house-made-bacon-infused-country gravy, two strips of thick cut bacon, and a fried egg between three buttermilk pancakes, smothered in real maple syrup. 

Peanut Butter Jellousy Burger - Ground beef topped with thick cut bacon, creamy peanut butter and strawberry jelly, served on a honey wheat bun.

And the best: Drumroll please..........

Thanksgiving Burger - A juicy ground turkey patty with stuffing, turkey gravy, cranberry sauce, and sage mayonnaise, served on a honey wheat bun.

I may have to make a special trip to California for this place. And Dr. Wright, if you somehow happen to stumble upon this pinnacle of humbleness that is my blog.....you never read this. No se habla ingles. Por Favor. Muy bien. Gracias, senor.

The 3 Things.....About the Fourth

Yesterday was the Fourth of July, a great day of independence from tyranny and the birth of a great nation. I loved watching fireworks when I was a kid, because that was the only reason the 4th of July appeals to school age children. It's already in the middle of summer, so you're not missing school, what the hell kinda holiday does that?!?

Anyways, as we age, the Fourth becomes about more than just fireworks. It becomes a multi-faceted day of rejoice and horror.

1) Food is cheap, and it's everywhere.

Because food and beverages are kind of like adult's candy, some of us (ed. note - the author) just love to stuff our gullets full of hot dogs, potato salad, soda, beer, chips, burgers, and any other concoction of whatever grill-worthy food we can find. The grocery stores perpetuate this by having killer sales the week of the Fourth. So after I got done eating 4 pounds of food, the neighbor's started their grill.......and I got hungry again. Let's face it.....I'm kinda the Kobayashi of the holidays in my family.

I love Nathan's Wieners.

2) Finding a fireworks show for your kids SUCKS. 

When I was a kid, I sat on my rooftop with my dad and a pair of binoculars and saw no less than 2 fireworks shows a year. Now, the shows are scheduled air tight, by region, and larger venues get priority market share over smaller places. AND you have to drive. So now, you're about an hour or more into your food coma, and you have to load up the family truckster to go watch a 30-45 minute firework show with 100 people, IF YOU CAN FIND A PARKING SPOT. And God help you if you have an obstructed view. If you're not sure, wait until the very first pop is heard. No matter from where, it could be behind you, and one kid is sure to say "I didn't see it".

AZ DOT has given up on these holidays

3) What you come home to is a crap shoot.

I had a dog that used to go absolute apeshit on the Fourth from the noise. So much so, that it literally TORE THE DRYWALL APART trying to get at the door. I always forget the damage an animal can cause when it is freaked out by earth-shattering explosions. My neurotic dog hears a leaf rustle outside, and she barks as if there's someone kicking down the front door. I was crossing my fingers to try to convince myself that there wasn't going to be a half-eaten couch, or carpeting transplanted to places where there previously was no carpet. 

Don't ask where the cat is. And don't wear your loafers.....ever again.

No damage, happy pets, happy kids, and happy dad. Good weather (80 degrees for AZ in July!!) , good food, and family made the day even better. Oh, and SooperSpouse and I kicked ass all over the Trivial Pursuit board. That was the best part. Although I do feel bad, because my in-laws really aren't that bright.