Little Nerds.

As my friend The Bitchy Housewife would gladly tell you, I am a nerd. I play video games, I watch Doctor Who, I like comic books, so apparently, I am a nerd.

So when my favorite local artist announced that he and another artist would be doing Spongebob sketches today, I thought my kids would enjoy some original art. Custom sketches. Meaning Spongebob could be anything.

Before I tell you what they wanted, let me remind you of Big Chris. He's the awesome artist that was cool to my kids and I at the Phoenix Comicon last year. He has given his work to charity, overcome huge obstacles.....and now has a Little Wood on the way with his lovely wife, Beth.

And the dude is so humble, friendly, and awesome, even while having the physicality of a professional wrestler. He colored my kids' sketch while joking with them, talking with me, and the rest of the small crowd gathered there. His wife Beth talked to us at length while we were waiting.....and the best part....

They asked if I was gonna blog about it.

Of course, I played it off like no big deal, but how can I let that go? I mean, really? This grinch's heart grew three sizes today.

So, thanks to Vince DePorter, Chris and Beth Wood, and Hero Comics, this is what my kids asked for:

I win at parenting.

The Government Draws the Line at Super Heroes.

While on my normal daily search for some sort of intellectual humor, I found this story. Not necessarily humor, but after some brief analysis and common sense, you can get some chucklefucks out of it.

Basically, for those that don't like to click links to read my source material, the Department of Defense liaison to Hollywood pulled the U.S. Military's "involvement" in the new mega-hit movie, "The Avengers".

But wait.....it gets better. According to Phil Strub, the DOD liaison, it was because the DOD couldn't discern who the fictitious, quasi-governmental/global/peacekeeping/military organization S.H.I.E.L.D. answered to.

"We couldn’t reconcile the unreality of this international organization and our place in it,”

So......the Department of Defense pulled support for "The Avengers" because it is UNREALISTIC.

Forget the fact that THE AVENGERS include a frozen, genetically modified soldier from World War II, a gamma-irradiated scientist that turns into a huge green beast, a Norse demigod, and a billionaire playboy philanthropist with a heart condition AND A SUIT OF ARMOR. No....the unreality of this situation is who S.H.I.E.L.D. answers to.

Forget the fact that THE (original) AVENGERS debuted almost 50 YEARS AGO, so the storyline, characters, and organizations in the movie should have come as absolutely no surprise to someone with Google and half a brain.

Here. Let's look at some of the movies Mr. Strub has contributed to, with the DOD's blessing, and I'll be sure to post the synopsis of the films as well......

• Transformers: Dark of the Moon

• Autobots Bumblebee, Ratchet, Ironhide and Sideswipe led by Optimus Prime, are back in action taking on the evil Decepticons, who are eager to avenge their recent defeat. The Autobots and Decepticons become involved in a perilous space race between the United States and Russia, to reach a hidden Cybertronian spacecraft on the moon and learn its secrets, and once again Sam Witwicky has to come to the aid of his robot friends. The new villain Shockwave is on the scene while the Autobots and Decepticons continue to battle it out on Earth

• Battle Los Angeles

• Los Angeles and other cities around the world are being bombarded by meteors that seem to be slowing down once they hit the earth's atmosphere. The earth is suddenly being invaded by space aliens that have landed off the shore of LA, and who begin killing everybody along the beach. The military is ordered into action. Marine Staff Sergeant Nantz (Aaron Eckhart), who was about to retire, is reassigned to a new platoon. The platoon, flown by chopper to the forward operating base at Santa Monica Airport, is being led by a new 2nd Lt. Martinez (Ramon Rodriguez). They are sent on a mission to rescue some civilians who are trapped at the police station within alien territory. They only have 3 hours to complete their mission and get out before the Air Force bombs that zone.

• War of the Worlds

• Ray Ferrier (Cruise) is a divorced dockworker and less-than-perfect father. When his ex-wife and her new husband drop off his teenage son Robbie and young daughter Rachel for a rare weekend visit, a strange and powerful lightning storm suddenly touches down. What follows is the extraordinary battle for the future of humankind through the eyes of one American family fighting to survive it in this contemporary retelling of H.G. Wells seminal classic sci-fi thriller

• Jurassic Park III

• Dr. Alan Grant is now a happy man with the previous incidents of Jurassic Park now behind him. Grant is that happy that he announce in public, that nothing on Earth can persuade him back onto the islands. Maybe nothing, except Paul Kirby. Kirby and his wife, Amanda want a plane to fly them over Isla Sorna, with Dr. Grant as their guide. But not everything Kirby says is true. When the plane lands, Dr. Grant realizes that there is another reason why they are there, that he doesn't know of. Now, Dr. Grant is stuck on an island he has never been on before, with what was a plane journey now turned into a search party.

All TOTALLY believable films. I mean, I fight off alien invasion every week. I'm glad the DOD makes sure these films are totally realistic, so I know how to fight off the robots and aliens when they come. Oh, but that's not all folks, the real travesty is that the DOD actually DID throw their support fully behind a blockbuster film due out this year.....

Oh, in case you haven't heard, this movie is based on the board game. AND IT HAS FUCKING ALIENS....because, you know, that was in the game.

  Based on the classic Hasbro naval combat game, Battleship is the story of an international fleet of ships who come across an alien armada whilst on a Naval war games exercise. An intense battle ensues over sea, land and air. What do they aliens - known as 'The Regents' - want?

This article has an excerpt of an email sent by the US Navy on their involvement in Battleship.

 Produced by Universal Pictures and directed by Peter Berg, BATTLESHIP was made with the support of the Department of Defense and the Navy.  As you know, we ask ourselves some key questions before supporting a major motion picture. First, does the script accurately portray the Navy?  Second, does it positively represent our service and our Sailors? Third, can we support a film without impacting our operations? And finally, do we believe that it could have a positive impact on recruiting?  In the case of BATTLESHIP, we felt the answer was “Yes” to each of those questions.

Wow. So, recruiting numbers should go up, because fuck yeah, I want to fight aliens, and the women sailors look like Rihanna? Where do I sign?

Ugh.

FFS Friday!

Remember Garfield? The orange, lasagna guzzling, dog kicking cat with an attitude? Of course you remember him. Like him or not, his comic strip is a part of pop culture, and spawned a couple of horrible, horrible, horrible motion pictures. The movies were so bad, even Jennifer Love Hewitt, and her AMAZING chest couldn't make them worthwhile.

But Garfield is a very polarizing character. You either love him, or hate him. So....what if you could read Garfield.....without Garfield?

Meet Garfield Minus Garfield. A website that takes Garfield comic strips, and strips them of Garfield. If you don't want to scroll through months of hilariousness, here's the short version.

Jon looks like he's a fucking psycho.

The End.

FFS Friday!

I had something else planned for today, but this headline caught my eye this morning.

Green Lantern is gay.

First of all, YES, THIS IS ANOTHER COMIC BOOK POST. GET OVER IT.

Second of all, understand that I have no issue with gay people or the LGBT community. None whatsoever. I feel that what you do is your biznass. What I DO have an issue with is using sexuality for shock value.

DC has caught some heat for it's "New 52", the rebooting of basically every superhero they have. Apparently, in the reboot of Green Lantern, DC is making the decision to make Alan Scott (the original Green Lantern) openly gay.

Here's why this is FFS worthy. Green Lantern is one of the few superheroes that can manifest itself in a different person. The ring has been with no less than SIX different people during the original DC run.

So, if DC wanted to make an openly gay superhero (that could change hosts), why not just introduce a NEW Green Lantern? Some reboots of classic superheroes this sexuality shift could be difficult, but the "he who holds the ring" status of the Green Lantern lends itself to easily creating a new persona whenever artists feel the need for a fresh start. Or...why can't there be a BRAND NEW openly gay superhero?

It's a huge honor for the LGBT community to have a hero with the status of Green Lantern, but if DC was really committed to honoring gays with a superhero, and they weren't just in it to raise eyebrows and sell comics, why wouldn't they invest time into creating an awesome storyline with an awesome new superhero to give the gay community a superhero they could rally behind?

FFS DC.

The 3 Things...About Taking Your Kids to Comicon.

The Phoenix Comicon was this past weekend, and because I can't draw art, I am trying to appreciate those that do (also I'm a big comic geek), I decided to take my kids to see what comics and fanboys were all about. It was a different experience with children than without (I've been to a previous, smaller con without my kids), and I found some things out:

1) Event Organizers (at least the one at PCC) know what they're doing.

From the exhibit hall to the events, the Event Organizer had it locked down. Sure, there were non-kid friendly booths and events, but they were all grouped together, in a "come at your own risk" style. The kid friendly art was fantastic, and my niece (the one with the artistic talent) was in awe. The art room, where kids could do different artistic projects, were right around the corner from the room with the video games and the AZ Ghostbusters charity group's room. It's nice to see that some thought about parents bringing kids was implemented.

Awesome Avengers print by Val Hochberg.

2) Most of the people are examples of what you want your kids to be. 

Of the people wandering around Comicon, selling items at booths, and dressed up as their favorite characters, 90% are completely awesome to be around. The people come dressed up to have their picture taken. They love getting compliments on something they're so passionate about. The artists at the booth love to talk about their work, what they have coming up, and anything else thier fans may want to talk about. Even the other fans walking around will talk to other fans, joke about something odd, or discuss theories on their favorite characters. I grew up an introvert, and large crowds make me want to guzzle a bottle of Xanex, but I was at ease in the crowd at the Comicon. Everybody was awesome, and I think my daughter has a crush on Big Chris.

Great artist, great guy, and already married. Sorry Kat.

3) The other 10% of people are complete douchebags.

After the 90% of awesome people, I kept getting sideways looks, silent head shakes, and glares from the single, unhappy people without children at the con. Apparently, they either thought one of the following:

• I was a bad parent for bringing my kids to a place where there are half naked women at nearly every turn
• They despise children as annoying little humans with no intrinsic value
• I was carrying around a camera like a tourist, so I wasn't as "hardcore" as a real con-goer.
• They knew WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT that I had had sex at least once before.

I understand their plight, now that I think about it. Let's try to address their issues:

True, there were women there dressed as different characters. Lots of cleavage, lots of skin, but nothing different than any other Halloween, the one day of the year women are allowed to dress like sluts and get away with it. Except the women at comicon did it because they love the CHARACTER. Not every cosplay woman was a bombshell. They did it to be a part of a culture that is gaining popularity, to identify with their favorite fictional character, to show appreciation to the artists that create enjoyment. THAT'S what I wanted my daughter to see. Besides, for every costume like this:

There was a less provacative, well done costume, like this:

And then there's these:

These guys made our kids feel welcome, and our kids were excited to meet them, shake their hands, and get their picture taken with them.

As for point 2 about little humans with no intrinsic value, they would do well to remember that they most likely got into comics around my kids' ages or before. Understand that the comic book industry had a glut of fans in the 70's and 80's, which equates to today's 30-40 year olds. Some of those people will have had kids. Some of those people want their kids to experience the same enjoyment and excitement that they got when they read comics. Get over it.

Yes, I was carrying around a camera. I am a fan of cosplay, but too chickenshit to dress up. I took pictures of some awesome costumes, and I HAD CHILDREN WITH ME. I wanted to document their con experience as well. They were there for the same reason as you. Again, get over it.

(if you want to see my PCC album, it's here.)

And the last item. Yes. And it was good. 

SooperRant Sunday

**WARNING - before reading this, make sure no kids are around. There is some naughty stuff.**

Went to the Amazing Arizona Comic Con this weekend. It was my first comic con and was awesome. Seeing all the cosplay and talking with artists that are passionate about their craft and love what they do is amazing. This is not about those people.

About 80% of the artists were true "comic" artists. They took revered comic idols and redrew them in thier styles, for instance, I bought this awesome print of Carnage, a Spider-Villain:

Check out more of Andy Carreon's work here.

And another awesome print of Venom, another Spiderbaddie. Can't find the print art online, but artist's website is here.

Here's the issue. For every artist with a cup full of talent, there were several that apparently thought the CON in ComicCON stood for CONtest to draw the best naked ladies.

Goldilocks.

Pikachu

Rogue. 

The last one really disappoints me. Rogue is a part of the X-Men, an ELITE GROUP OF MUTANTS. To objectify her just diminishes her awesomeness.

But, hey, guess what?

I am now a comic artist!

Signed prints of the above image will be available for $10 each.

You guys have so much talent, you could make your own heroes, expand on ancillary characters, or re-boot old icons. Why do you have to focus on Wonder Woman's breasts?

Here is truth in advertising:

Welcome to Dark Silver Studio, here you will find alluring women in dark places. Each beauty will capture your attention as she draws you to her side.

The best part?

Here's the artist:

Natali Sanders

In order to help out the awesome artists that decided that the breasts they DID draw were kept away from my kids' visions at the comiccon, I urge you to check out the following pages. Some of them DO draw the voluptous figures, but I didn't see any DISPLAYED for my kids to browse, so they get a thumbs up for that.

Big Chris

Jamie Tyndall

And my new favorite artist. This guy is crazy talented.

Jon Hughes

All in all, it was a geek nirvana. Looking forward to The Phoenix Comicon in March!

WTFriday!

Comic-book nerds have always had the stigma of living in their mothers' basements and just overall, being social outcasts.

 

This does ABSOLUTELY ZERO to help this image.

 

I give you.....licensed by DC Comics.......superhero Snuggies. *facepalm*

"Mom!! I told you not to come in the Batcave!"

The Man of Fleece

And..for the ladies. I don't see how this helps with housework, but whatever.