Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The Government Draws the Line at Super Heroes.

While on my normal daily search for some sort of intellectual humor, I found this story. Not necessarily humor, but after some brief analysis and common sense, you can get some chucklefucks out of it.

Basically, for those that don't like to click links to read my source material, the Department of Defense liaison to Hollywood pulled the U.S. Military's "involvement" in the new mega-hit movie, "The Avengers".

But wait.....it gets better. According to Phil Strub, the DOD liaison, it was because the DOD couldn't discern who the fictitious, quasi-governmental/global/peacekeeping/military organization S.H.I.E.L.D. answered to.
"We couldn’t reconcile the unreality of this international organization and our place in it,”
So......the Department of Defense pulled support for "The Avengers" because it is UNREALISTIC.

Forget the fact that THE AVENGERS include a frozen, genetically modified soldier from World War II, a gamma-irradiated scientist that turns into a huge green beast, a Norse demigod, and a billionaire playboy philanthropist with a heart condition AND A SUIT OF ARMOR. No....the unreality of this situation is who S.H.I.E.L.D. answers to.

Forget the fact that THE (original) AVENGERS debuted almost 50 YEARS AGO, so the storyline, characters, and organizations in the movie should have come as absolutely no surprise to someone with Google and half a brain.

Here. Let's look at some of the movies Mr. Strub has contributed to, with the DOD's blessing, and I'll be sure to post the synopsis of the films as well......

  • Autobots Bumblebee, Ratchet, Ironhide and Sideswipe led by Optimus Prime, are back in action taking on the evil Decepticons, who are eager to avenge their recent defeat. The Autobots and Decepticons become involved in a perilous space race between the United States and Russia, to reach a hidden Cybertronian spacecraft on the moon and learn its secrets, and once again Sam Witwicky has to come to the aid of his robot friends. The new villain Shockwave is on the scene while the Autobots and Decepticons continue to battle it out on Earth

  • Los Angeles and other cities around the world are being bombarded by meteors that seem to be slowing down once they hit the earth's atmosphere. The earth is suddenly being invaded by space aliens that have landed off the shore of LA, and who begin killing everybody along the beach. The military is ordered into action. Marine Staff Sergeant Nantz (Aaron Eckhart), who was about to retire, is reassigned to a new platoon. The platoon, flown by chopper to the forward operating base at Santa Monica Airport, is being led by a new 2nd Lt. Martinez (Ramon Rodriguez). They are sent on a mission to rescue some civilians who are trapped at the police station within alien territory. They only have 3 hours to complete their mission and get out before the Air Force bombs that zone.

  • Ray Ferrier (Cruise) is a divorced dockworker and less-than-perfect father. When his ex-wife and her new husband drop off his teenage son Robbie and young daughter Rachel for a rare weekend visit, a strange and powerful lightning storm suddenly touches down. What follows is the extraordinary battle for the future of humankind through the eyes of one American family fighting to survive it in this contemporary retelling of H.G. Wells seminal classic sci-fi thriller
  • Dr. Alan Grant is now a happy man with the previous incidents of Jurassic Park now behind him. Grant is that happy that he announce in public, that nothing on Earth can persuade him back onto the islands. Maybe nothing, except Paul Kirby. Kirby and his wife, Amanda want a plane to fly them over Isla Sorna, with Dr. Grant as their guide. But not everything Kirby says is true. When the plane lands, Dr. Grant realizes that there is another reason why they are there, that he doesn't know of. Now, Dr. Grant is stuck on an island he has never been on before, with what was a plane journey now turned into a search party.
All TOTALLY believable films. I mean, I fight off alien invasion every week. I'm glad the DOD makes sure these films are totally realistic, so I know how to fight off the robots and aliens when they come. Oh, but that's not all folks, the real travesty is that the DOD actually DID throw their support fully behind a blockbuster film due out this year.....

Oh, in case you haven't heard, this movie is based on the board game. AND IT HAS FUCKING ALIENS....because, you know, that was in the game.
  Based on the classic Hasbro naval combat game, Battleship is the story of an international fleet of ships who come across an alien armada whilst on a Naval war games exercise. An intense battle ensues over sea, land and air. What do they aliens - known as 'The Regents' - want?

This article has an excerpt of an email sent by the US Navy on their involvement in Battleship.
 Produced by Universal Pictures and directed by Peter Berg, BATTLESHIP was made with the support of the Department of Defense and the Navy.  As you know, we ask ourselves some key questions before supporting a major motion picture. First, does the script accurately portray the Navy?  Second, does it positively represent our service and our Sailors? Third, can we support a film without impacting our operations? And finally, do we believe that it could have a positive impact on recruiting?  In the case of BATTLESHIP, we felt the answer was “Yes” to each of those questions.
Wow. So, recruiting numbers should go up, because fuck yeah, I want to fight aliens, and the women sailors look like Rihanna? Where do I sign?



  1. This kinda reminds me of the Catholic League's beef with Kevin Smith's "Dogma." I'm Catholic, but I don't take offense to the movie. And just as these are considered completely unrealistic cause, yanno, aliens, transforming cars, etc..."Dogma" has a rubber poop monster. Kinda hard to take it as a serious commentary on the Catholic religion with a giant rubber poop monster. People are way too weird about stuffs.

  2. I'd ask if you were kidding....but....

  3. i just started following your blog really good and funny too