We now resume your dysfunctional family programming....

Amanda and I finally got around to watching back episodes of Modern Family on our DVR. I think this show is truly the best show ever made. Who would have thought that Doc Brown** would have made the funniest show ever? He must have fixed his flux capacitor and hit 88 mph, because he's making enough cake from this show that he doesn't need to sell the plutonium to the Libyans. (yes, that's 3 Back to the Future references. I'm a geek, live with it.)

             Yeah. This guy in the brain machine is the executive producer. 

What other shows about family entertained us? Thanks for asking. 

SOOPERDAD'S AWESOME DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY SHOW TIMELINE

1. Leave It To Beaver, 1957

Some of you may disagree, but this is where the dysfunctional family entertainment began. Sure, it's touted as wholesome family entertainment, but we are glossing over the major sociological points that make this show DANGEROUS!

Stereotypes:

What they say: "The main character is a portly child who gets himself into situations of mischief and humor"

What they mean: "Fat kids are troublemakers."

What they say: "Mrs. Cleaver represents the ideal wife and mother of the time period."

What they mean: "She was going to cook dinner and have that house clean before Mr. Cleaver came home....if she knew what was good for her."

What they say: "Eddie Haskell tries hard to win the attention of Mrs. Cleaver"

What they mean: "Mrs. Cleaver is a MILF."

Gee, Mrs. Cleaver, my doc said my Tuberculosis would go away if I saw you naked. You don't want me to be sick do you? *coughcough**

2. The Andy Griffith Show, 1960

Single dad raising a crazy redhead kid in the backwoods of Mayberry. Oh, and the dad's co-worker is a cracked-out guy WITH A GUN. And seriously, I think Aunt Bea was selling herself out....she made WAY too many "pies" for a family of 3.....

P.S. - If you are whistling right now, STOP. Immediately. I'm not kidding.

"I was banging 7 gram rocks, that's how I roll......what? Charlie who?"

3. All in the Family, 1971

I personally never had the good fortune to watch any of these episodes, and from what I can find, I have a feeling I know why...from Wikipedia:

"The show broke ground in its depiction of issues previously considered unsuitable for U.S. network television comedy, such as racism, homosexuality, women's liberation, rape,miscarriage, abortion, breast cancer, the Vietnam War, menopause and impotence."

AWESOME! Sounds like this show was way ahead of its time. Doesn't every family have some sort of these issues floating around in one dark corner or another? This show just saved us the trouble and condensed it into one alcholic bigot, Archie Bunker. 

No wonder you guys were always high in the 70's.

In this picture: a horrible bigot, homophobe, all around terrible person...and Carrol O'Connor.

4. The Cosby Show, 1984

I know....you're probably saying, "Are you kidding me? There's nothing wrong with the Cosby Show!? LOL!!1!", but you'd be wrong. This show should be forcibly removed from the "Sitcom" category and put into "Fantasy". 

Evidence Item 1: Mr. Cosby was a OB/GYN. Mrs. Cosby was a lawyer. I have never met anyone from either of these professions that were home as much as they were, or in an even-tempered mood as much as these two were. Pure Fantasy.

Evidence Item 2: The "hot" sister, Denise, left for "college" after season 3. We all know that hot girls aren't smart, and Dr. Huxtable was all about making sure his kids earned what they got, so how exactly did Denise pay her tuition? *Hint: Google Angel Heart (it's not safe for kids)*

Evidence Item 3: Any normal father in his right mind would have sent Theo far away from the rest of his family as to not taint whatever intelligence remained in his children after being exposed to Theo for a number of years.

Apparently, New York is the coldest place on the planet. Sweaters were mandatory in the Huxtable home.

5. Married...With Children, 1987

The king of dysfunctional family sitcoms, about to be replaced by Modern Family. This show hit closest to home for a lot of America, and was hilarious in doing so. Do I believe a lot of fathers now base some of their personalities on Al Bundy? Yes, I do. But he was awesome, so it's ok. And I blame Katey Segal for my affinity for redheads.

And a heartfelt thank you to Christina Applegate for getting me through my awkward teenage years.

Look, I'm not trying to say to base your family life from these sitcoms. These shows provide a glimpse into the messed up worlds that are our families. All of them. There isn't one person that can't find some kind of messed up in thier extended family, so we may as well make the best of it. And, they're hilarious; the shows, and our families.

**ED NOTE: Apparently, I was incorrect in the assumption that Doc Brown was the producer of Modern Family......but I'm leaving it in because Back to the Future. And fuck you.**