SooperDad's Most Wanted

Welcome to a (hopefully) brand new series here on SooperSenchrul. During a conversation with Crazy Dumbsaint of the Mind, she suggested that I recruit a nemesis. Instead, I will fill the interwebz with SooperDad's Most Wanted. Criminals of intelligence. Thieves of common sense.

We all have our dumb moments. Moments where we do something that we wish we could take back. Moments that our actions are so incredibly stupid that we wonder how we lived to the age we currently are.

To highlight these moments of stupidity, I will begin to chronicle these nemeses(?) in a weekly series, but I need help from you. If you recognize a candidate for nemesis, e-mail the SooperHawtline at Sooperdadblog@Gmail.com to get them on the radar.

First up, the Stalker Box Stalker.

Everyone has experienced or seen one of these criminals. Somebody that sees their friend comment in the ticker on the right side of Facebook, then clicks on the activity, and decides to add absolutely nothing useful to the conversation.

Clarissa - you're using text messaging incorrectly.

I've actually fallen victim to this criminal's persuasion when I commented with a joke on an apparently renown underwater photographer's page. I luckily deleted before he saw, but I narrowly escaped becoming part of this gang.

Usually, this group is made up of the elderly, or the technologically inept. These criminals may become belligerent when confronted for their mistake, and may become aggressive to anyone that challenges them. Once they infiltrate a post, the disease spreads, because then the rest of their gang sees it and may decide to bring more inane rants into the fold.

This post lured two of these villains to the light.

  If left unchecked, these criminals eventally go on the offensive, posting a status demanding concessions from the page or person. These demands include repenting, censoring, or terminating the "offensive" material. Most of the time, logic prevails in these situations, and the criminals are thwarted. There are occasions where the problem goes unchecked for an extended period of time. This is dangerous, and can result in a massive stupidity headache later.

Oh Cindy......

It's up to you to keep cyberspace safe. Be vigilant, SooperPhrends.

FFS FRIDAY!

If you've read this blog for any extended period of time, you know how I feel about complaining about Facebook. People still don't seem to understand that most of the time anything posted on Facebook becomes public domain......like, to the entire world.

So, in order to educate those that don't know....a website called We Know What You're Doing uses Facebook's Graph API (a program that Facebook uses for other programs to integrate with Facebook), some pretty simple keywords, and posts PUBLIC information on a website. 

There is A LOT of hungover people for a Friday morning. 

Some of you (like me) don't really mind putting your whole life on public display.....but if there was ever a reason to self-censor....this might be it.

FFS.

The 3 Things.....About Facebook

Recently, Facebook went public, and all the complaints about Facebook ON Facebook multiplied exponentially. Even I was not immune to bitching about the operation of my social media provider. Stepping back and looking at it rationally, however, people have little to complain about.

1) Facebook is a FREE SERVICE.

I couldn't alter the font-type any more on the last two words. Bold, underline, and italic are not enough to stress this most important fact to most of the complaints. Basically, the fact that Mr. Zuckerberg kept his website free to use for everyone automatically allows him to auto-answer every complaint with "Go Fuck Yourself." Because you aren't paying for a service, you have no say on what that service does with IT'S OWN CODE. Hate Timeline? MySpace is still open. The new layout giving you fits? Go to Google + and talk to none of your friends. Pics won't upload? I hear Microsoft has a new social network. Wonder how many people are using that....

Pictured: Zuckerberg reading Facebook improvement suggestions.

2) Facebook will NOT use your private information, no matter how much you hear otherwise.

There are a handful of conspiracy theorists that believe that if they input personal information, such as address, date of birth, and gender, that that information goes to advertisers and fan pages. I can see basic demographics on my fan page, such as age, region, and gender, but that's it. No specific addresses, no Social Security numbers. Before you say "Yeah, Soop, but the ads on the right side are based on stuff I post and comment", listen to what you JUST SAID. IF you post something on Facebook, or comment on something on Facebook, it is NOT PRIVATE. THAT is the information they use. The code does not read minds, it finds keywords (most likely misspelled) and targets ads to those keywords. Pretty simple.

3) YOU are NOT the customer.


As much as people tell you that you are Facebook's customer, think about it. Do they make money from a single user? The short answer is: "You're a dumbass." The long answer is that the money that Facebook makes comes from advertisers. The product they sell is access to you. They have over 10 gajillion people they can use as product. Here is a typical Facebook marketing conversation:

Advertiser: "What can we get from your company?"
FB: "Access to 10 gajillion people EVERYDAY."
Advertiser: "Here is our checkbook."

The best part? They don't pay taxes on their product, like the retail businesses and warehouses do. That should start a whole new level of pitchfork and torch carrying. Enjoy!

The Post of Shame...

In the past decades, punishment of children has received some major overhauls. Parents are afraid to spank, replacing it with timeouts. Groundings take place in a bedroom, usually with a cable TV, computer, cell phone, and radio. What is an appropriate punishment for children of the information age?

A few months ago, father Tommy Jordan took to YouTube to refute his daughter's rant on Facebook about how bad of a parent he was.


How did he find his daughter's rant? WHILE UPGRADING HER LAPTOP PER HER REQUEST. See, Mr. Jordan is an IT guy....which means he works with computers everyday. So, posting a rant about your overbearing dad on a website that he probably knows your password to, and if he doesn't, I'm sure he could have found it....probably isn't the best idea. It's the equivalent of a cop's kid ripping off a bank, or one of the Kardashians going to someone besides their mom to release their latest sex tape. It's going to end badly.

Enter the newest parent into the social media punishment ring. ReShonda Tate Billingsley, an author and journalist. ReShonda's daughter decided to do something stupid on Facebook.

She apparently decided to post pictures of her drinking alcohol with friends, or her dumbass friends decided to tag her in pictures where she was drinking alcohol because they're idiots. In any case, her mom (probably on her friends list) caught wind of it, and made her upload this pic before locking down her account.

BRILLIANT.

Social humiliation is quickly becoming a viable option for parents to punish their children. Because children spend so much time texting, IM-ing, and on Facebook and Twitter, why not destroy the images they've built in these arenas? It's no secret that the internet is a curtain to hide your imperfections. Everyone does it to an extent. When those facades come crashing down around you, it can serve to remind you of yourself. Kids need some of that every now and then.

Memorial Day MANday

While I was at the Phoenix Comicon over the weekend, my brother-in-law was in an event that I didn't care to be in. I decided to go wait out in the hall.

I ended up next to a guy in a flightsuit. No big deal, I thought, there are people here dressed as animals, zombies, inanimate objects. Ghostbusters' costumes are made from flightsuits, for crying out loud.

Or...*cough* a "modified" flightsuit. *coughcoughcough*

Then I talked to him. We chatted back and forth, and he was REALLY awesome. During the course of conversation, I found out that he actually DID serve in the Air Force for the better part of seven years. I asked about his flightsuit, and he said, 

"It's Memorial Day weekend, I figured everyone else is dressed up, I might as well be too."

As I was leaving the panel, he handed me his business card and I shook his hand and thanked him for serving. Then it hit me. He was volunteering at this con. There are no paid workers. So, not only did he give the people of the US the better part of seven years of his life, he was kicking around Comicon, giving the geeks like me another one of his weekends.

Then I looked at this card, dude works for HARVARD. OK, it's a seperate school of Harvard, but still....

Way to make me feel like I've done nothing useful with my life.

In all seriousness, I have family and friends that have served. Do not take thier sacrifice lightly. Tell them thank you, shake their hand, show your appreciation, ESPECIALLY on Memorial Day.

And, if you don't have anyone to thank personally, go to Jared's Facebook page, thank him, and let him know you appreciate his service. 

West Side (of Sacramento) Story

Ok, this really doesn't have anything to do with parenting, or being a dad, but it is still darkly hilarious.

My wife found a story this evening about 30 women in Sacramento that got involved in a street fight that was apparently organized via Facebook regarding one woman's "suggestive post" to another woman's boyfriend.

Re-read that sentence. 

We are now using the networking power of social media to organize GANG FIGHTS.

Pic from scene uploaded via Instagram

Alright. So, without reading any further than the sentence describing the story I put above, here's MY interpretation of what happened.

Girlfriend: "What did that bitch just say? She hopes my man has a 'good night'? Awwwwww hell nawwww"

*clicks Create Event*

Friend of Girlfriend opens Facebook to find she's been invited to "Beat this Bitch Ass" Event scheduled for tomorrow night. She excitedly accepts and shares to her wall. More friends follow suit. 

Really....read the article, then watch the news story about it. These chicks were HARDCORE. One of them took a candle from a MEMORIAL (read: a shrine to dead people), broke it, and then used it as a weapon.

Yes. She took a Jesus candle, broke it on the street, and prepared to use her Jesus shank on some people.

The two people that had injuries sustained them with BASEBALL BATS. 

What the hell goes on in Sacramento that a mob of 30 crazy women with baseball bats and broken glass doesn't prompt some kind of hysteria?

Watch the video, the woman that gives the account to the reporter works at the convienience store, and claims many of them "came in to buy drinks"...........

Fresca: more refreshing than fracturing that bitch's skull.

Stay classy, Sacramento. 

My Mistresses....

I haven't posted for a while, apparently due to a bout with depression.

My docs said it's common for many heart patients to go through depression when they realize they may not be able to do some of the things they used to do. Instead of work, I was zoning out on the computer and Xbox. Instead of not stressing, I was wanting to drink all the time, and becoming an asshole again (allegedly). 

So my wife gave me the nicest, kindest boot up my ass that she could muster, and told me to snap the fuck out of it.

And here is my attempt.

My mistresses will still see me on a regular basis, for without the computer, I could not interact with my wife's clients, impart my razor wit and raucous humor on Facebook, and post this very blog which nobody reads, except for people that want to see Adam Levine naked, apparently.

My Xbox, my baby, my fickle lover that teases me with that glowing ring of hers, and the hours of enjoyment she provides on a daily (yes, daily ladies, beat that) basis. I will never give her up, never let her down, never run around and.....you know the rest.

My wife works hard at running the business, and even takes care of a lot of the stuff from home as well. She is, unfortunately, gone from home a lot, so the computer is the closest thing to adult interaction I get all day.

But, it did get a little out of control, and she snapped me back into my awesome, radiant, glowing personality.

So, I'm sorry to anyone that was waiting for a new post (*snicker*). As some sort of catharsis, I'm thinking about writing ANOTHER blog full of rants, opinions, and more adult-centric conversation that will hopefully spark some kind of intelligent debate to satiate my desire for adult interaction. I'll post more on that as I work up to it.

But in the meantime, I'll tip my Friday ration of adult beverages to my readers, and my NEW FANS ON FACEBOOK!! Woooohooo!! Welcome and welcome back.

Here's to being Sooper.

WTFriday!

Having been close to death's door a time (or 4) before, the first thought that I had was: "OMG, I totes need to update FB, Twitter, and YouTube about whatz happenin 2 me!!!!1!!!1 <3"

Social media is awesome, but what happens to your status updates if you die? The obvious answer would be: They End. Period. 

The new answer is: If I Die. An app that you can dictate a final message to your 700 friends and close acquaintences that, in the event of death, 3 of your "trustees" (read: drunk friends) can post in your behalf.

I have a hard enough time finding my friends' inane status updates in my feed, God forbid they should post: "Well, just bought the farm!! LOLZ! No more work for me!"

The fact that you have to trust your friends to post your final message is another iffy catch for me. What if "I love my family and will miss you" suddenly turns into "I love my RICHARD and will miss RICHARD FOREVR N EVR AMEN. LMAO."

*sigh* brb....making a video.

 

Is this post about you???

We all have those friends/acquaintances/family members/siblings/people you stalk on Facebook that always post vaguely worded aggressive statuses. It looks something like this:

Poster: "This is the thanks I get? I don't think so, bitch."

Response A: "OMG, what's goin on gurl?!?1 call meeeeeeee"

Response B: "Yeah, that bitch betta watch her back yo"

Response C: "**HUGZZ**"

Response D (The best response): "meh"

As all men grow increasingly tired of these posts, I am organizing yet another group. 

Vaugeness and Agressiveness Goes In Nary Another Status

So, from now on, I urge all those that want to join this group to just tag these posts with our group name so that we may review them. For instance:

Poster: "You'll get what's coming to you."

Correct Response: "VAGINAS"

Poster: "Lying liars lie lying liars lye"

Correct Response: "VAGINAS"

This will allow us to properly flag and review these posts for vagueness. If determined to be extremely vague, we will begin the punishment process:

Step 1: Posting compromising and/or embarrassing pictures of said poster.

Step 2: Friending all of posters enemies and forming a group entitled "[Poster] sucks"

Step 3: UNFRIEND.

Thank you, and let's all work together to make Facebook a more specific place.