The 3 things...about having opposite sex friends

I went to see The Amazing Spider-Man last night with my best friend, which happens to be a female. It AMAZES me to see people freak the fuck out over the fact that we can go out to places alone. It's like their minds can't wrap around the fact that people with opposite naughty bits don't just jam those naughty bits into each other if they're alone for any period of time. I know it's hard to believe, but some men can actually carry on conversations and go places with women without sex. You know.....the kind of men that have been friends with this said woman for longer than they've known YOU? Amazeballs.

"You mean you no hit her and drag her to cave?!?" - PS, if you know who this is, you are AWESOME.

1. Having a person to talk to of the same gender as your partner can help your relationship.

If I think my wife isn't getting what I'm putting down, or if I think she's just ignoring me, I'll talk to my bestie. She usually tells me "Well, she's mad at you because stop being a dick. I would kick your ass too. You're lucky I'm not there." I then tuck tail, and go apologize to my wife. Having someone else look objectively at your situation can help immensely. (See: Therapist......or does that not count to illogical people?) They can tell you when you're in the wrong, when you're in the right, or when there is no solution. Amazingly, it's somewhat comforting to hear "Wow, dude, you guys are both fucked." Guess what? I am at home all. day. long. I talk to other bloggers on Facebook on their pages, and some, even personally. Some of these bloggers are..........*GASP* women. Holy Outrageous Ovaries, SooperDad! Women, you say? Yes! And some of them are smarter than I!!!!!! I know. It's hard to fathom. Some w-w-w-w-women are intelligent.

2. You can do things with people of the opposite gender without having sex.

This.......this is fucking amazing. I.......really? I really don't feel that this has to be explained, but apparently, it more than does. See....when a man.....and a woman.....have lunch/go to a movie/have dinner/go shopping/have coffee/any other activity on the planet, it does NOT mean that they are entering into an agreement upon which they are agreeing to have coitus. I know. It's MINDBLOWING. Imagine. I had to work with MULTIPLE women for 10 HOURS a day WITHOUT MY WIFE AROUND, and I was able to keep my dick in my pants. It was a minor miracle. For 14 years. I should be in Guinness. 

Fine...an absolutely horrible example on my part, but still an example.

3. Get over it.

I know for all those Mad Men fans (I haven't seen any episodes, I just have heard the gist of the series) that haven't poked their heads out, but times have changed. PEOPLE WITH SAME NAUGHTY BITS CAN BE MARRIED!!11!!!ZOMG!!1! Women are in charge of WHOLE COMPANIES?!?! FORTUNE 500 COMPANIES?!?!? What is this world coming to? I woman bash in jest, but in all honesty, I'm more impressed with women that think for themselves and handle themselves with respect and intelligence and, above all, have an awesome sense of humor than anything (my wife is one of these people).

So, yes, dear friends (on both sides), my bestie and I will be going out together again. Soon. Alone. With my wife's blessing. And my children's. Because they love her. I love her. She's the female version of me. And everyone knows I love me some me. As a final note, I have another 3 words for people that don't like it.

Go Fuck Yourselves.

Sincerely yours,
The Breakfast Club.

Official Man's Weekend Announcement

So, in case you haven't heard from your wife, girlfriend, mistress, maid, waitress, or secretary, there's a movie coming out on June 29th called "Magic Mike".



Yeah....a movie with Channing Tatum and Wooderson as male strippers. As my wife said, "The theater will be full of women and gay guys. My kind of people."

I submit to you, dear SooperDoods, that this gives us ample reason to designate June 29-July 1 "MAN'S WEEKEND". Why a full weekend? Well, all the desperate housewives are going to go watch the movie on the 29th, then cluck about it in their playdate groups for the rest of the weekend anyways, so they won't even notice. So find a sitter, most likely will have to be a teenager, or your older son, since your mother will probably be going to see the movie also.......like mine *shiver*.

Now, let's set forth an agenda for said "MAN'S WEEKEND".

June 29th - Dinner and Drinks with the MEN.

A fine gastric and beer sampling experience is the perfect way to offset your wife's film-based hormonal substitute. May I suggest a little place to begin that is near and dear to my heart....The Tilted Kilt?

She's holding three of my favorite things. With only one hand.

June 30 - Movie night at home

After a hard night of looking at half naked women bringing you food and drinks, it may be hard to snap back to reality. Luckily for you, your significant other will still be swooning over the pecs, abs, and oiled up CGI in that shit movie, so it's time for you to view some real cinematic treasures. Take a look at SooperDad's list, and use what you like.

• Showgirls - a wonderful cinematic adventure through the eyes of Jesse Spano as she struggles to become the best in her field. A feel good story about the coming of age of a teen idol.
• Wild Things - a thriller in which Neve Campbell and Denise Richards are thrown into a love triangle that forces them to make out with each other.
• Poison Ivy II - The sequel was better than the original as Alyssa Milano is misjudged as a troubled teen while being proud of her body. A movie about having self-esteem and being proud of your body.

July 1 - Golf

Golf and drinks with the men. Although, the cart girl will have probably had the vapors also, so the cart dude will drink with you.

Enjoy your time, men. There's no telling when another chance like this will come around again.

West Side (of Sacramento) Story

Ok, this really doesn't have anything to do with parenting, or being a dad, but it is still darkly hilarious.

My wife found a story this evening about 30 women in Sacramento that got involved in a street fight that was apparently organized via Facebook regarding one woman's "suggestive post" to another woman's boyfriend.

Re-read that sentence. 

We are now using the networking power of social media to organize GANG FIGHTS.

Pic from scene uploaded via Instagram

Alright. So, without reading any further than the sentence describing the story I put above, here's MY interpretation of what happened.

Girlfriend: "What did that bitch just say? She hopes my man has a 'good night'? Awwwwww hell nawwww"

*clicks Create Event*

Friend of Girlfriend opens Facebook to find she's been invited to "Beat this Bitch Ass" Event scheduled for tomorrow night. She excitedly accepts and shares to her wall. More friends follow suit. 

Really....read the article, then watch the news story about it. These chicks were HARDCORE. One of them took a candle from a MEMORIAL (read: a shrine to dead people), broke it, and then used it as a weapon.

Yes. She took a Jesus candle, broke it on the street, and prepared to use her Jesus shank on some people.

The two people that had injuries sustained them with BASEBALL BATS. 

What the hell goes on in Sacramento that a mob of 30 crazy women with baseball bats and broken glass doesn't prompt some kind of hysteria?

Watch the video, the woman that gives the account to the reporter works at the convienience store, and claims many of them "came in to buy drinks"...........

Fresca: more refreshing than fracturing that bitch's skull.

Stay classy, Sacramento.