My Mistresses....

I haven't posted for a while, apparently due to a bout with depression.

My docs said it's common for many heart patients to go through depression when they realize they may not be able to do some of the things they used to do. Instead of work, I was zoning out on the computer and Xbox. Instead of not stressing, I was wanting to drink all the time, and becoming an asshole again (allegedly). 

So my wife gave me the nicest, kindest boot up my ass that she could muster, and told me to snap the fuck out of it.

And here is my attempt.

My mistresses will still see me on a regular basis, for without the computer, I could not interact with my wife's clients, impart my razor wit and raucous humor on Facebook, and post this very blog which nobody reads, except for people that want to see Adam Levine naked, apparently.

My Xbox, my baby, my fickle lover that teases me with that glowing ring of hers, and the hours of enjoyment she provides on a daily (yes, daily ladies, beat that) basis. I will never give her up, never let her down, never run around and.....you know the rest.

My wife works hard at running the business, and even takes care of a lot of the stuff from home as well. She is, unfortunately, gone from home a lot, so the computer is the closest thing to adult interaction I get all day.

But, it did get a little out of control, and she snapped me back into my awesome, radiant, glowing personality.

So, I'm sorry to anyone that was waiting for a new post (*snicker*). As some sort of catharsis, I'm thinking about writing ANOTHER blog full of rants, opinions, and more adult-centric conversation that will hopefully spark some kind of intelligent debate to satiate my desire for adult interaction. I'll post more on that as I work up to it.

But in the meantime, I'll tip my Friday ration of adult beverages to my readers, and my NEW FANS ON FACEBOOK!! Woooohooo!! Welcome and welcome back.

Here's to being Sooper.

Swiper......No Swiping! (Not Safe for Kids)

Since I have to please my sugar mama now, and not the other way around, I decided to try to work on my appearance for my wife. I mean, who likes coming home to a man in a tank top and boxers that are a week old?

I decided to try after shave, you know, to smell nice. I have never bought or used aftershave before, so I went with guy code, and bought the cheapest shit I could find. Like Aqua Velva, but cheaper......AQUA BELVA.

Anyways, I used it a couple of times, with no visible effect on my spouse. Hmmm....strange. I didn't use it for about a week after that. 

Then, one night, I went to bed at the same time my wife did (I usually don't). She was already brushing her teeth when I walked in, and looked shocked to see me. I paid no mind, and went about to brushing my te........what the hell? Why do I smell my delicious $1.29 gallon of aftershave? Did I spill it?

My wife started giggling. She had been BUSTED. She poured it out while the water was running, hoping I wouldn't notice. I, as you may believe, was SHOCKED. I asked her what else she had gotten rid of that I didn't know about.....

I am a purveyor of funny/witty T-shirts. I love them. I love wearing them. I love people's reactions to them. My wife got rid of my really funny ones.

1. A shirt, with this picture boldly emblazoned on the front (from my youth)

2. This T-shirt needs no explanation...

And various other awesome shirts and other things from our time together. I thought these items had either been lost during a move, destroyed by the dogs, or hidden by children. I was SHOCKED to learn that my wife had been censoring my awesomeness for all these years.

How many of you have had your spouse/significant others hide something of yours on purpose?