Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Swiper......No Swiping! (Not Safe for Kids)

Since I have to please my sugar mama now, and not the other way around, I decided to try to work on my appearance for my wife. I mean, who likes coming home to a man in a tank top and boxers that are a week old?

I decided to try after shave, you know, to smell nice. I have never bought or used aftershave before, so I went with guy code, and bought the cheapest shit I could find. Like Aqua Velva, but cheaper......AQUA BELVA.

Anyways, I used it a couple of times, with no visible effect on my spouse. Hmmm....strange. I didn't use it for about a week after that. 

Then, one night, I went to bed at the same time my wife did (I usually don't). She was already brushing her teeth when I walked in, and looked shocked to see me. I paid no mind, and went about to brushing my te........what the hell? Why do I smell my delicious $1.29 gallon of aftershave? Did I spill it?

My wife started giggling. She had been BUSTED. She poured it out while the water was running, hoping I wouldn't notice. I, as you may believe, was SHOCKED. I asked her what else she had gotten rid of that I didn't know about.....

I am a purveyor of funny/witty T-shirts. I love them. I love wearing them. I love people's reactions to them. My wife got rid of my really funny ones.

1. A shirt, with this picture boldly emblazoned on the front (from my youth)

2. This T-shirt needs no explanation...

And various other awesome shirts and other things from our time together. I thought these items had either been lost during a move, destroyed by the dogs, or hidden by children. I was SHOCKED to learn that my wife had been censoring my awesomeness for all these years.

How many of you have had your spouse/significant others hide something of yours on purpose?

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