Does this make my butt look AWESOME?

Guys. We've all got the butt question before. You know, the one that your significant other asks when you're going out in public, and he/she wants to look really, really good because she's going out with your sloppy ass? "Does this make my butt look big?"

You'll have better luck explaining the tax code to a 2nd grader.

There's no right answer to this question. If you say no, you're lying. If you say yes, you're a jerk. The only way out of this catch-22 is to mumble something incoherently, and nod and agree with whatever comes out of her mouth immediately afterwards.

Now, guys. Now women have a whole new game plan. I introduce to you, D.Hedral underwear for men.

My female readership just increased by a factor of ten.

"What's so special about these chonies, SooperDad?", you ask. See that "Y" shape up there? The man-thong? Allegedly, it's to help your ass out...

D.HEDRAL underwear is designed to become your second skin.

We achieve this using our ANGLEFIT technology to create a unique shape that fits your bum perfectly. 

Ah, yes. Our "second skin". Because it's so convincing that you have the average joe's best interest in mind when you post a pic of THAT GUY wearing your male lingerie. Why not post Bubba at 250 and tout the strength of your elastic waistband holding up his beer gut? I bet your "second skin" would look FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC on Gilbert Gottfried. It's OBVIOUS who this target market is. It's not dudes like you and me, who watch football and pound bacon and fried snack foods into our gullets. 

Do these carbs make my gut look big?