Friday, August 17, 2012

Rub some dirt in it, son.....

Amanda graduates from Aesthetics school this week, so she's been a little preoccupied, (and stressed, understandably). Since she is busy preparing for finals and studying up, I have had the opportunity to spend a lot more one on four time with my kids. I usually try to stay out of it when Amanda gets home, because she doesn't get to see them for very long before I make them walk the Green Mile down to their bedrooms for sleep.

I decided to take the kids down to the park today, (a rare treat because I'm severly allergic to grass). Since their mom couldn't go, I decided to take my time, try my patience, and let them truly just be children. Laugh, yell, fight, chase each know, like Jessica Simpson's relationships. Then I noticed that pretty much all the playgrounds around where I live are clones of each other. What a way to spark creative and imaginitive play. Here's 2 slides. One is BIG. One is small. Whatever. There has to be a cooler, more imaginitive way to not only increase the excitement and appreciation of our children, but to challenge them for the long road ahead as well!

So, lets see the MMAD (Mr. Mom Awesome Dad) Playground Proposal!

In order to teach our children the dangers of the outside world, we need appropriate exercises to help them adapt and recognize the situations in the future. Sure, the slides would translate if a plane had to make an emergency landing, and monkey bars would be used...........if you're crossing that jungle ravine in your grandma's backyard, but it's time to update our children's play equipment.

EVENT 1: The Dysfunctional Family Holiday



To prepare children for the inevitable shock that is going to see your family (or your in-laws), this simulated holiday gathering will teach children the following social skills:

  • Personal safety - Avoiding the creepy drunk uncle that talks too close to you.
  • Taking your lumps - Testing skin elasticity from grandmothers and aunts who like to pinch cheeks
  • Conflict negotiation - Ability will be tested by breaking up fistfights between distant cousins
  • Emotional mentoring - Measured by the ability to calm your simulated mother, who is sobbing and emotional because her gathering is ruined and her life is leading nowhere.

EVENT 2: The Ice Cream Truck Mini-Marathon



Everyone has chased the ice cream man a few blocks in their lives, but with the fast-paced, technologically advanced world we now live in, the chase is becoming obsolete. We release a stocked ice cream truck and allow children to sprint after it. After 4 miles, the truck stops and allows those who have stayed in the race to get ice cream. This event will teach children the following critical thinking skills:

  • Knowing when to say when - After running 4 miles after the ice cream truck, is your bomb pop really going to be enough to say "It was worth it"?
  • Resource gathering/allocation - At the end of the race, the ice cream will not be free. The children have to have their own money, if not, they just ran 4 miles for NOTHING. See also: Preparedness.
  • The importance of being a good sport or winning - Depending on the child's personal outlook, the children will have to decide whether or not to trip the child in front of him/her, or sabotage the children behind him/her. No penalties will be given, just shame and disgrace from onlookers.
  • Physical Fitness - The importance of rewarding yourself after a vigorous workout is important, especially with ice know, if you're a diabetic. Maybe they shouldn't do this one.

EVENT 3: The High School Enigma


The filth that is being propagated from Disney with the High School Musical franchise are letting children believe that high school is a party...with music, and friends that care about you, and dancing......lots of dancing. Here is what MMAD Playground's High School Simulator will teach your children:

  • Humility - It doesn't matter how cool or smart or funny you are, there is no chance in hell you're dating the captain of the cheerleading squad.
  • Starting Over - The friends you've built over the years at elementary school are now too cool to hang out with you. The girl you liked has now started to wear black lipstick and carving her own tattoos into her flesh. You are the only normal one here..........GO!
  • Avoiding Outside Influences - There are influence from the major gangs around the high school society. The Jocks, Valley Girls, Goth/Emo Kids, A/V Squad, Greasers, and Boozers are all looking for you to join their ranks....what will you do?!?


Sounds like a MMAD's dream!........Nah, I'll stick with the plain ol slides. These kids look a lot happier than they should be. Love them to death.

My Angel. She ate concrete on her scooter on the way home, hence her bandage.

My Genius.

My Princess.

My Bruiser.



  1. hahahaha!! Love the ice cream truck one! Did you know a bomb pop is like $3 now??? I almost crapped myself! A whole box at the store is $4.50. Oh and we are so blessed that the ice cream man comes up and down our road at 7:45 every night! Like my kids are getting sugar that late! LOL I despise the ice cream truck!

    OHHH and CONGRATS to the wife on graduating! How awesome!!!!!

    1. How is it even legal for ice cream trucks to be out that late??? All I could think about while writing this was Eddie Murphy from Delirious talking about the ice cream truck when he was little. :)

  2. Love it!! Our ice cream man goes down our street at about 30mph without ringing a bell or having music, no way my kids could ever get him.