Friday, January 11, 2013

FFS Friday

Alright, peeps, back to the funny stuff. I heard you all, and this monkey dances. Just be sure to grind that organ, will ya? (Thatsoundedsodirtybutilikeit)

Anyways, have you peeps ever woken up in the morning, and said "Self, I missed the alarm. Looks like I'm cutting the shower out of the routine this morning, because I sure as hell ain't missin' my Starbucks."?

Sometimes, it happens. I get it. The time is short, and you have responsibilities, dammit! So you find all your clothes from.............what's her face's floor, do the finger toothbrush (don't you lie, you know you've done it), and leave in order to make it to work on time. The fact that your pores are leaking the remnants of last night's margarita bender, and your breath smells like.....something that your breath should NOT smell like, don't register to you. YOU'RE LATE FOR WORK DAMMIT. RESPONSIBILITIES. Then you curse to yourself because you're probably going to be too tired to stay out until closing time tonight. Fucking responsibilities.

Then you remember. In your lack of performing hygiene, you forgot that you have messy hair. GASP! Let me introduce you to....I shit you not.....a product called "Morninghead".

There it is folks. An absorbent shower cap that you fill with water, because showering is hard, yo.
And it better be bottled water, because tap water is DISGUSTING.

They actually are trying to market this to bike commuters and motorcyclists, which is a better sell than the one-night stand escapees......but the name. I cannot with the name. Might as well just have called it the JBF* Pro Hairstylist 3000. Copyright pending, bitches.

*JBF is an acronym for those unawares. The first two words are Just Been. Figure the rest out for yourself.


  1. Isn't bed head on dudes supposed to be sexy or something? Not that I'd know, I don't get out of the house often

    1. Not when you have to wear professional attire to work. Obviously the valet service he works for frowns upon messy hair. :)