A Late Christmas Gift for the SooperKrue - ADULTS ONLY.

Well, I've taken a small hiatus since before Christmas, and over the break, I have re-found another musical gem that will be my gift to you. All 4 of you. Enjoy! 

Before you ask, this guy is totally legit, he has his own website, Facebook, and......MySpace.

Someone showed me this a long time ago, and it popped into my head recently for some unknown reason....if you're REALLY brave, check out his other videos. He's done a song with Samantha Fox, for crying out loud. SOMEONE in the music industry takes this guy seriously enough.

 

Just say no...

I don't know what's worse....that this guy died, or that this incident was caught on video.....

I.......I don't...........I give up. Read the whole story here.

I think they craft Kryptonite here...

This weekend, the family and I hit our local mall, and visited the seventh circle of Hell, otherwise known as Charming Charlie's. 

I knew something was wrong when upon entering, the overwhelming smell of cat lady nearly knocked my olfactory sense into submission.

Here's what this store is - according to the ladies: 

Charming Charlie is a fashion accessory boutique that has been delighting women of all ages since 2004. Through a unique blend of fun, style, color and affordability, Charming Charlie helps shoppers pull together their look through the key finishing touches – earrings, necklaces, bracelets, handbags, scarves, belts ... in a fun, boutique environment.

Let me describe it for the fellas:

Remember those plastic rings and shitty gold-tinted bracelets you used to get from the quarter machines at the store?

These ones.

Apparently, whatever cartel stuffed these things with the jewelry decided that the quarter gig wasn't working anymore, and decided to open a "boutique" and charge 80,000% profit margin on thier crap.

AND they seperate it by color.

This is either the html codes for colors, or a Charming Charlie store layout. Guess which.

What really got me though, was standing in this store for OVER A FREAKING HOUR watching the retired cougars (yes, they might have been cougars once.....last century) go apeshit over this crap.

......and I was sick of being a model. Damn my good looks.

SooperReflections Sunday

I'm really trying to take this whole "on the seventh day He rested" thing to another level.

I think I might have ADD.

Naps are the greatest gift Mankind has ever recieved.

I want to produce the first christmas light string that uses 60 watt regular lightbulbs.

My 4 year-old can navigate YouTube better than I can.

I wish I had more friends of different ethnicities/religions for the sole purpose to be invited to thier houses and eat different kinds of foods.

I have to find a way for this blog to generate revenue. It's awesome enough, I'm thinking a subscription fee.

No, that would drive my core fanbase away. All 5 of them.

Food is expensive.

Except Ramen.

 It's naptime

 

 

It's Faturday!

For some reason this morning, my oldest daughter was watching "Cupcake Wars" on Food Network. I looked for the "Green Bean Casserole Cupcake" that was on the show she watched, but couldn't find it.

Alas, don't fret, intrepid kitchen conquistadors, I have found a better recipe, that speaks very deeply to my German roots.

I give you......Beer and Sauerkraut Fudge Cupcakes with Beer Frosting. No typos.

Ingredients

• 2/3 cup butter
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 3 large eggs
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder
• 2 1/4 cups sifted all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon soda
• 1 cup beer (recommended: Capital Munich Dark)
• 2/3 cup sauerkraut
• 1 cup raisins (optional)
• 1 cup chopped nuts (optional)
• Beer Frosting, recipe follows

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line standard cupcake pans with 18 cupcake liners.

 

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream butter and sugar until light and smooth. Add the eggs, 1 at a time, beating until each is smooth, scraping down the sides of the bowl if needed. Add the vanilla. Sift the cocoa, flour, baking powder, soda, and salt in a large bowl. In the creamed bowl, alternate the leftover ingredients beginning and ending with dry ingredients. Stir in the sauerkraut. Fill the cupcake liners 2/3 full. Bake until the cupcake springs back when touched, about 35 minutes. Transfer the pans to wire racks to cool completely before removing the cupcakes.

 

To assemble: Frost the cooled cupcakes with Beer Frosting.

• This recipe was provided by professional chefs and has been scaled down from a bulk recipe provided by a restaurant. The Food Network Kitchens chefs have not tested this recipe, in the proportions indicated, and therefore, we cannot make any representation as to the results.

Beer Frosting:

• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 3 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar, divided
• 1/3 cup unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1/3 cup beer, divided (recommended: Capital Munich Dark)

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, mix the softened butter with half the confectioners' sugar. Add the cocoa, salt, and roughly 1/3 of the beer. Beat until smooth. Alternate adding the remaining sugar with the remaining beer and beat until fluffy.

WTFriday!

Comic-book nerds have always had the stigma of living in their mothers' basements and just overall, being social outcasts.

 

This does ABSOLUTELY ZERO to help this image.

 

I give you.....licensed by DC Comics.......superhero Snuggies. *facepalm*

"Mom!! I told you not to come in the Batcave!"

The Man of Fleece

And..for the ladies. I don't see how this helps with housework, but whatever.

How F-ing Ironic.

So, in Australia, apparently their head of television and radio standards (like our FCC), wants to censor thier internet. Because, you know, bad things happen on the internet.

Like lots of F-words.

Video below. Mr. Conroy's feet must be made of chocolate, because he's eating them pretty well.

 

The Evolution of Not So Manly Dancing

As I was cleaning the garage today (Very Manly.), a song came on with a dance/club beat, and I immediately jumped into my highlighter dance routine (Not So Manly, it will make sense later). After thinking about it, I noticed the trend of dancing subcultures that were considered wierd at the time....and not too manly.

The 70's - Disco

Let's face it, nobody wanted to admit they went to a disco hall to "cut a rug". If you needed a polyester jumpsuit and a huge mirror ball to feel manly, well then you're a manlier man than I, fine sir.

Testicles not necessary.

The 80's - Breakdancing

Actually, this might be the only really manly dancing in this list....who else is going to throw down a 1/8" piece of flimsy cardboard on a slab of concrete and spin ON HIS FREAKING HEAD.

Testicles EXTREMELY necessary.

The 90's - Rave

The beginning of Emo (in my opinion), Raves were kids who were too cool to go to a club to dance, so they went out into the desert or somewhere remote that nobody could find (even the people that wanted to go), and got drunk and danced like idiots. Here is where my highlighter dance comes in. I have people that can attest to my mad rave skills.

Little Timmy went on to become the most awesome Flight Deck Coordinator the Navy had ever seen.

The 00's - Dubstep

I must be getting old....what the......I don't even know what this is. *shaking head*

Testicles again not necessary.....wubwubwubwubwub.

WWWednesday!

So I stumbled across the best website ever.

It's http://www.drinkify.org, and it's amazing. It suggests drinks based on the artist you are listening to at the moment. It even mocks hipsters.

But for the most part, it stays on a pretty predictable path. Teenybop pop? Non-alcoholic. Classic? Something in a highball glass. Rap? Brown paper bag. 

It is hilarious.

And intriguing.

Another Game Post?

Yes, yes it is another game post. Apparently, us Call of Duty addicts aren't the only subhumans on the planet. Yes, we forget to bathe for days on end, become oblivious to our surroundings, and scream the phrase "Noobtuber" at the top of our lungs, immediately preceded or followed by some form of expletive; at least we havent been thrown off of an airplane. 

"He loves WWF so much that he was willing to leave a plane for it, but he has already boarded another AA flight," spokesman Matthew Hiltzik said in an e-mail to CNN.

In case you're wondering, WWF stands for Words With Friends. Apparently, Mr. Baldwin was in such a freaking intense game of WWF that he refused to stow his electronic device while they were at the gate and got tossed off like a common terrorist. 

Oh, but Mr. Baldwin, who is an avid Twidiot, decided to go ahead and make his disgust well known:

AlecBaldwin Alec Baldwin 

Flight attendant on American reamed me out 4 playing WORDS W FRIENDS while we sat at the gate, not moving. #nowonderamericaairisbankrupt

#IWonderHowYouMakeSoMuch$ByMisspellingCompanies'Names?

AlecBaldwin Alec Baldwin 

#theresalwaysunited Last flight w American. Where retired Catholic school gym teachers from the 1950's find jobs as flight attendants.

Apparently, he has lingering resentment from the gym teachers he, Stevie, and Billy had growing up. He should be thankful American is giving "seniors" jobs, because, if I can add correctly, he's a little over "hiring age" for Hollywood.

Douchebag.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is this post about you???

We all have those friends/acquaintances/family members/siblings/people you stalk on Facebook that always post vaguely worded aggressive statuses. It looks something like this:

Poster: "This is the thanks I get? I don't think so, bitch."

Response A: "OMG, what's goin on gurl?!?1 call meeeeeeee"

Response B: "Yeah, that bitch betta watch her back yo"

Response C: "**HUGZZ**"

Response D (The best response): "meh"

As all men grow increasingly tired of these posts, I am organizing yet another group. 

Vaugeness and Agressiveness Goes In Nary Another Status

So, from now on, I urge all those that want to join this group to just tag these posts with our group name so that we may review them. For instance:

Poster: "You'll get what's coming to you."

Correct Response: "VAGINAS"

Poster: "Lying liars lie lying liars lye"

Correct Response: "VAGINAS"

This will allow us to properly flag and review these posts for vagueness. If determined to be extremely vague, we will begin the punishment process:

Step 1: Posting compromising and/or embarrassing pictures of said poster.

Step 2: Friending all of posters enemies and forming a group entitled "[Poster] sucks"

Step 3: UNFRIEND.

Thank you, and let's all work together to make Facebook a more specific place.

It's Faturday!

After Maggie D. so generously posted this awesome pic to my Facebook page, I wondered what I would have on my menu if I had a bar/pub...

And while thinking of "bar food", my brain immediately seized on the following recipe. I tried to think of better bar food, but kept coming back to the Granddaddy of Ham and Cheese Sammiches. The Bennigan's Monte Cristo....

 

INGREDIENTS:

6 slices cooked turkey
6 slices Swiss cheese
6 slices cooked ham
6 slices American cheese
18 slices wheat bread
 ***Batter***
1 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/3 cup water
1 large egg, beaten
 oil, for deep frying
powdered sugar
red raspberry jelly

PREPARATION:

Assemble sandwiches: Bread, turkey, Swiss cheese, bread, ham, American cheese, bread; cut in half diagonally. 

Whisk flour, baking powder, and salt together to blend well. Add water to the egg and add to the flour mixture mixing well. Dip each sandwich half into the batter and deep-fry (oil must cover the sandwich) in oil pre-heated to 360 degrees F until golden brown. 

Remove from oil to paper towels. Sprinkle with the powdered sugar. Serve with warm or room temperature jelly, if desired.

 

NUTRITION:

569 calories, 21 grams fat, 62 grams carbohydrates, 32 grams proteinper serving.

Show full nutritional data (including Weight Watcher's Points ®, cholesterol, sodium, vitamins, and diabetic exchanges)

WTFriday!

So, our last visit to Vegas with the kids went well. The kids had fun seeing all the lights and free stuff Vegas had to offer (which was a lot more than I could ever remember). And there were various costumed characters on the street for picture opportunities. I guess with the location, this was inevitable. Happy Friday folks!

 

WTFriday!

So, our last visit to Vegas with the kids went well. The kids had fun seeing all the lights and free stuff Vegas had to offer (which was a lot more than I could ever remember). And there were various costumed characters on the street for picture opportunities. I guess with the location, this was inevitable. Happy Friday folks!

 

The 3 Things....About Arizona Rainfall

It was raining this morning when I walked my kids to school. For those of you that have never experienced an Arizona rainfall, you must have either never been here, or visited on one of the 360 days we don't have rain.

Which leaves the 5 other days of the year that people lose their freaking minds. So here are the 3 things that make me laugh about Arizona rainfalls.

#3 - It's a news item.

I understand that weather is news, technically, but here in AZ, they LEAD OFF the broadcast talking about the less than an inch of rain that was scattered throughout the valley. They show random shots of rain falling in various parts of the valley, and drivers going over roads with barely enough water to slough off the tires. Come to think of it, the same news outlet that coined "Haboob" also brought a new term to us a while back, remember "Microburst"?

#2 - The "I Just..." Guy/Girl

While I'm sure this isn't just an Arizona thing, without fail, you will run into the "I Just..." guy or girl. For instance, a co-worker says "I just got my car washed/pulled weeds/watered my landscaping/any other thing that rain could possibly disturb and make life impossible for this person".

I had to watch the forecast for my job. If it rains here, the construction sites shut down, and we had to give a free day for those that asked. If we knew rain was coming, we could plan accordingly. The simple fact is that the meteorolgists here don't have it that rough. And they really do tell us it's going to rain when it actually IS going to rain. Tell these people to check the weather, and then punch them in the face.

#3 - People lose thier ever-loving minds

The amount and insane-ness of stupidity on Arizona roads when it is raining is multiplied by any factor of 10. People forget thier exits and make a 4 lane dive to try to make it. A 65 speed limit sign suddenly looks like 35 to rainbiciles. Off the roads, most of the people walk around in a daze, as if the cloud cover blocked their brain solar panels.....

2 parts Hydrogen, 1 part Oxygen = A million morons.

MANstaches

Sorry for my sporadic posting, but I decided to get back on the ball for MANday. 

Since Movember is almost over, I thought I would make a list of the best MANstaches to date.

#5 - Sturken der Stachen

What better place to start the list than a MANstache so iconic, that it takes up most of the character's face? 

I solely thank Mr. Chef for opening my generation to Swedish culture, for if that had not happened, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo series would have remained an underappreciated Swedish political opinion piece. Plus, trying to understand him was near impossible. Between him and Ozzy, I stayed off drugs so that people could understand me.

#4 - Smooth like a Colt 45

Give it up for the only black man in the original Star Wars Trilogy.

Even Kirk had a black woman on the crew.....

Anyways, this MANstache is the only reason that white people recognize an obscure brand of malt liquor, and for that, sir, you are a god amongst men.

#3 - The Asterisk

It's an asterisk because technically, it's a beard, but you tell him that.

Plus, he did a geek commercial. How awesome is that?

#2 - Smokey's Stache

Not too long ago, he shaved his MANstache, but hey, he got to look at Demi naked.....

I'll refrain from the obvious Loni Anderson jokes. (Don't ask. Just don't)

#1 - King MANstache

The only reason every kid in the 80's wanted to wear Hawaiian print shirts and drive Ferraris.

Yes, the inspiration behind my most embarrasing photo as well....

And then there are the ones that didn't quite make the cut, but need your support for thier Movember campaigns. The month is almost over, head on over to thier pages and show them some love, support Men's health!

Chris T. - looking ever so much like Uncle Rico. He's still reliving his glory days too. It's kinda sad.

My cousin, Justin P. - This guy can rock the Ron Burgandy 'stache. I've seen it.

Help out these guys reach their goal for Movember. And before you say anything, yes, ladies, you can see where all the good looks went in my family.

Newsday Tuesday!

Apparently, my technology post yesterday peeved some technologically challenged females. To make it up, I found a story showing just how insane men are. The headline says it all.

Police: Man threatened to blow up store over sold out Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 video game

As some of you might know, I am an avid CoD player. I can safely say that I have never threatened anyone with mortal danger. 

An aside: the reason I wasn't allowed to play right after my heart attack is becauase my wife walked out on me one night while I was in the process of teaching a 12 year old kid some online manners. There was a lot of 4 letter words and references to Justin Bieber, but she thought it spiked my blood presaasure.

But back to the story, 

Witnesses told police Sar became angry and irate with the customer service desk shortly after midnight on Tuesday after they told him the video game he allegedly pre-ordered earlier in the day was no longer in stock.

This is where I say, "Good for that guy!". Why? I worked in an industry where if a customer made a RESERVATION, you had damn well better have what you promised, or there was going to be a fair amount of punishment doled out. You know, a reservation....

I understand that the company takes "pre-orders" as a way to estimate demand, but REALLY?? If your inventory level drops below your pre-order quantity (read: already paid for), then something is wrong.

Now, I'm not saying this guy was right to threathen the store employees by saying he was going to follow them home and use hand grenades and such.....This is probably the guy you don't want taking home a copy of MW3.

What really caught my eye was near the bottom of the article, however....

Over the weekend in France, men used tear gas to rob a delivery truck carrying 6,000 copies of the game. That shipment was worth more than $500,000.

WOW. Those guys are hardcore. But they're rookies, everyone knows that you don't steal in CoD, thats GTA!

MANic MANday!

After having some technical difficulties in the SooperHowseHold, I realized that, while having a lot of talents, technological prowess isn't in the ladies' skillsets.

Sure, some ladies are above average for their gender when it comes to computers and other electronic gadgets, but for the most part........

Let's just say the term "IT Guy" is in our lexicon for a reason...

My 2 year old son can delete, reinstall, and organize my apps on my Android. My 10 year old daughter gives up if the computer is password locked. Even though she knows the password.

Look, ladies, I know what you're thinking..."I got to your stupid ass blog well enough. I know how to navigate my extremely confusing, somewhat scary, and altogether mysterious box you call a 'computer'. I just plug in the internet cable, go to the big blue E on my screen, and type in 'awesomeblog.com'. That IS your IRL isn't it? Then it takes me to a search screen, I go to your Facebook page, and find your blog from there. That's the only way to get to it right?"

Leave the technical stuff to the fellas. We are happy to take care of it for you. The only way we would want you to have as much technical knowledge as us is if kitchen appliances required it. Ed note: Notice how those "smart" appliances aren't on the market yet? Just sayin.....

  As for men's patience when helping the fairer sex with technical issues.......see below.

 

WTFriday!

I took this pic of my daughter and goddaughter a while back, but I keep forgetting to use it on a WTFriday post. 

When you see it.........

P.S. - Thanks to Lexi for originally pointing this out!

It's Faturday!

On our trip to Vegas, we had some car issues. Nothing major, just nothing good. In a feeble attempt to appease the automobile gods to let us have a better trip on the way home, I have found a recipe from my auto's homeland, Korea. 

While my Kia may be made with paper clips, thumbtacks, and construction paper, it's going to have to suffice for a while, and the family truckster needs all the help she can get. I offer this Kimchi dumpling recipe to the Korean auto gods to leave us the hell alone for a while. (As I type this from my Samsung laptop connected to my Samsung phone......OMG, the Koreans own me.......)

Steamed Kimchi Dumplings (Jjin Kimchi Mandu)

 

WTFriday!

This week's WTF moment brought to you by the SooperSpowse.

While walking through the school after my son's spelling bee, my wife and I noticed a school-made sign proudly displaying Tiger Woods on it.

My wife said "What is he on a poster here for?"

Me (after reading said poster) "Apparently, he had a speech disorder." 

My wife, the kindest, sweetest, gentlest soul on the planet says:

"Speech, huh....well, we all know he doesn't have E.D."

Reminder: This was very loud and very near the administration section of an elementary school. I love that woman.

The 3 Things...

The 3 Things About Trying to Watch Kids' Entertainment...

#1 - The more you like it, the greater the chance is they won't.

My kids read the first Harry Potter book before me. My niece has read all of them. I am on book 5 right now. I love them. I'm geeked out because ABC Family is showing the first 5 movies this week. My kids? Meh. Quit reading book 2. As soon as I showed an interest in it, they started backing off. Not maliciously, but nevertheless, I have to console myself by talking with my 10 year old niece about Hermoine and Muggles.

#2 - I AM NOT THE TARGET MARKET SEGMENT!

There's a reason these shows are called "Kid's Shows" on "Teenick", "Sprout", "Nick Jr.", etc. I understand I'm not the target market. When my daughter got into Victorious, and I started asking my son if he thought Kat was hot, I immediately felt like the creepy old dude.......but really, she's hot.

"Dude....REALLY?!?! WHY DON'T YOU THINK SHE'S CUTE?!?!"

#3 - Monkeys program these networks.

I understand that they are trying to hold the interest of small children. I have absolutely ZERO idea on how they manage that. They show the same episodes OVER AND OVER AND OVER, and my children watch them, everytime they come on, without fail. They even watch the ones THEY CAN QUOTE LINE FOR LINE. I ask them to spend 10 minutes cleaning the backyard, however, and they forget what they're doing by minute 3. I wonder if the houses of the PhDs that create and design these shows are as clean as I think they aren't......except they have maids to do that commoner work....

WWWednesday!

#1 - Every Movie Theater Restroom EVER.

And for the ladies.....HERE is your monologue.

#2 - Rant Central

If you've ever gotten so angry about something, and didn't have a way to vent your frustruation, you must not have visited Angry.net

Here you can vent about pretty much anything (NSFW) and feel better knowing that you have just posted your poor grammar and misspelled raving lunacies on the internet for millions to see. Here is a picture of a rant that an Englishman posted about HIS OWN COUNTRYMEN.

#3 - Perhaps the most awesome thing you will see this week.

Remember when Gaga wore that dress made of raw meat? Apparently, she was way behind in the wearing meat fad. Enter HatsOfMeat.com.

The "Basebull Cap" by hatsofmeat.com

 So much awesome. I don't even think Chuck Norris is more awesome than meat hats.

I can't even find another 2 websites that are more awesome than hats made of meat. I....I just.......I think I have to go peruse this site for about 4 or 5 hours. Until tomorrow.......meat. 

Newsday Tuesday!

Well, it's official. The economy SUCKS. Jobs are disappearing, we're in debt, and people are trimming the fat to get by. Except for one New York county, where they are trimming the fattest, jolliest, beardedest man to ever bring joy to little children everywhere.

Faced with the difficult task of balancing a budget in austere times, officials in New York's Suffolk County said on Friday they had no choice: they had to sack Santa Claus.

That's right, folks....Santa has been downsized.

See the full gallery on Posterous

Mr. Claus, you have to activate your COBRA benefits by the end of the week. Good luck.

The county executive said he could not justify carving out $660 from his $2.7 billion budget to pay David McKell, 83, a World War II veteran and former homicide detective, to don his Santa suit for the tenth year running and greet children on Long Island.

What a jerk. Jerks must come from Long Island, right, Rob?

But fear not, a generous benefactor from a neighboring town stepped up!

In the end, Steve Bellone, the current town supervisor of nearby Babylon, who is running as the Democratic candidate to succeed Levy (ed. note - the guy who sacked Santa), said he would pay for Santa.

Levy, who is not running for reelection, dismissed Bellone's gesture as "pure grandstanding", and said his office was investigating whether the check breached rules governing gifts to county agencies.

And your next sign of the upcoming apocalypse? Santa being used as a political "bribe" to the constituents.

*Sigh*

MANic MANday

Men are competitive by nature. God was probably trying to one-up someone when he gave men that trait. A good example of the competitiveness is shown in the movie The Jonses, when neighbors have to get the newest toy to keep up with the Joneses (I see what they did there.) For not a lot of fanfare (I didn't hear anything about it, just stumbled upon it one night), it's actually a pretty good flick.

Lumberg is laughing because his movie is still quoted heavily in popular culture. Poor Mulder.

Anyways, men have recently taken over traditional Thanksgiving dinners. I don't know when, why, or how it happened, but I have my conspiracy theory that a woman came up with the turkey frier to get out of doing Thanksgiving dinners, and the rest is history...and dangerous.

Nothing says "Thanksgiving" like 1st degree burns!

Me, being the SooperAusum manly man that I am, I am thinking about doing Thanksgiving dinner this year. Not frying, because I think one major trip to the hospital per year is good enough, thank you. I'm going more for content....which is why I introduce you to......

The Turducken

That's right. A chicken stuffed into a duck, which is stuffed into a turkey. Why? Because we're men. You're welcome.

P.S. - I apologize to my vegan friends, especially Maggie and Mike, who probably feel 10 kinds of violated by the above picture. But...it's still AWESOME!