The 3 Things....About Arizona Rainfall

It was raining this morning when I walked my kids to school. For those of you that have never experienced an Arizona rainfall, you must have either never been here, or visited on one of the 360 days we don't have rain.

Which leaves the 5 other days of the year that people lose their freaking minds. So here are the 3 things that make me laugh about Arizona rainfalls.

#3 - It's a news item.

I understand that weather is news, technically, but here in AZ, they LEAD OFF the broadcast talking about the less than an inch of rain that was scattered throughout the valley. They show random shots of rain falling in various parts of the valley, and drivers going over roads with barely enough water to slough off the tires. Come to think of it, the same news outlet that coined "Haboob" also brought a new term to us a while back, remember "Microburst"?

#2 - The "I Just..." Guy/Girl

While I'm sure this isn't just an Arizona thing, without fail, you will run into the "I Just..." guy or girl. For instance, a co-worker says "I just got my car washed/pulled weeds/watered my landscaping/any other thing that rain could possibly disturb and make life impossible for this person".

I had to watch the forecast for my job. If it rains here, the construction sites shut down, and we had to give a free day for those that asked. If we knew rain was coming, we could plan accordingly. The simple fact is that the meteorolgists here don't have it that rough. And they really do tell us it's going to rain when it actually IS going to rain. Tell these people to check the weather, and then punch them in the face.

#3 - People lose thier ever-loving minds

The amount and insane-ness of stupidity on Arizona roads when it is raining is multiplied by any factor of 10. People forget thier exits and make a 4 lane dive to try to make it. A 65 speed limit sign suddenly looks like 35 to rainbiciles. Off the roads, most of the people walk around in a daze, as if the cloud cover blocked their brain solar panels.....

2 parts Hydrogen, 1 part Oxygen = A million morons.

Musical MANday

I heard a song on the radio this weekend and it got me giggling. More on that in a second.

The song was by Jamie Foxx, and it brought back a memory. I used to work for a company that rented construction equipment to contractors. Once, we had a film shooting in my territory, and my awesome sales rep secured the deal, so we put a ton of equipment out at the location. I didn't get out in the field at all, but my rep and I worked pretty closely making sure this deal went smoothly from beginning to end. She ended up taking me for a visit to the location (which was AWESOME, and my first and only "Hollywood" experience).

And Arizona resembles the Middle East, apparently.

Anyways, we talked to some of the people on site, and one person, that had worked with Jamie Foxx before said, and I quote, "You better lock up your wives and daughters when he gets here". No smile, no nervous laugh. Dead serious.

Anyways, this song came on, and reminded me of the video. And this is why I laughed. Because, apparently, when going to a club, Mr. Foxx keeps some pimp ass company. Forest Whitaker? PIMP. Samuel L. Jackson? MEGAFUCKINGPIMP. Jake Gyllenhall? ....ok....maybe?

And then, the ultimate wingman. The biggest lady killer out there. The first person you should think of when you're asked "Who should you take to the nightclub to catch as much scattered ass as you can?"

OPIE MUTHAFUCKIN TAYLOR. That's right. Ron Howard is in the hizzouse, making it rain in the club. Apparently, even he's surprised, because at 00:46, he looks absolutely shocked that he is included in this video. 

Well played Hype Williams. Well played.

The 3 Things....About Arizona Rainfall

It was raining this morning when I walked my kids to school. For those of you that have never experienced an Arizona rainfall, you must have either never been here, or visited on one of the 360 days we don't have rain.

Which leaves the 5 other days of the year that people lose their freaking minds. So here are the 3 things that make me laugh about Arizona rainfalls.

#3 - It's a news item.

I understand that weather is news, technically, but here in AZ, they LEAD OFF the broadcast talking about the less than an inch of rain that was scattered throughout the valley. They show random shots of rain falling in various parts of the valley, and drivers going over roads with barely enough water to slough off the tires. Come to think of it, the same news outlet that coined "Haboob" also brought a new term to us a while back, remember "Microburst"?

#2 - The "I Just..." Guy/Girl

While I'm sure this isn't just an Arizona thing, without fail, you will run into the "I Just..." guy or girl. For instance, a co-worker says "I just got my car washed/pulled weeds/watered my landscaping/any other thing that rain could possibly disturb and make life impossible for this person".

I had to watch the forecast for my job. If it rains here, the construction sites shut down, and we had to give a free day for those that asked. If we knew rain was coming, we could plan accordingly. The simple fact is that the meteorolgists here don't have it that rough. And they really do tell us it's going to rain when it actually IS going to rain. Tell these people to check the weather, and then punch them in the face.

#3 - People lose thier ever-loving minds

The amount and insane-ness of stupidity on Arizona roads when it is raining is multiplied by any factor of 10. People forget thier exits and make a 4 lane dive to try to make it. A 65 speed limit sign suddenly looks like 35 to rainbiciles. Off the roads, most of the people walk around in a daze, as if the cloud cover blocked their brain solar panels.....

2 parts Hydrogen, 1 part Oxygen = A million morons.

You've been McServed...

For my non-AZ friends, and those who may have missed it, an Arizona woman was banned from eight local McDonalds in Gilbert, Chandler, and Phoenix because she scientifically exposed that your kids were playing in a pool of filth.

By David Kadlubowski, AP

I really hope this is one that passed her test.

Look, everyone knows that these play places are basically petri dishes for new strains of whatever virus is hitting us next, but she started this crusade after a little investigation led to a whole bunch of shit.........no, literally.

Carr-Jordan's campaign, which covers six states, began in earnest after she had grime samples tested that she'd collected from a play area at a McDonald's in Tempe, Ariz., and discovered they contained pathogens found in fecal material and mucus, the Republic reports.

What she thinks set off the backlash from McDungnalds franchises was an incident where she found MRSA in a Gilbert franchise, and did what any crazy soccer mom would do.

Carr-Jordan tells the Republic that she believes the incident that set off the ire from McDonald's was one that took place at a Gilbert, Ariz., restaurant, where she found MRSA in the restaurant's PlayPlace and informed the manager as well as customers with children. When she saw one child licking the equipment, she demanded the restaurant close down the play area.

Crazy lady. Doesn't she know that the McManager can't shut it down just because a kid is licking the equivalent of about a billion buttholes? Besides, he has more McRibs to feed people like me.