FFS Friday

Since my heart attack, Amanda has gone back to school and is working to support us in a small business. While I volleyball back and forth between doctors saying I shouldn't work, I should work, I should stand on my head, I need an elephant heart, etc., we have needed government assistance. I'm not proud of this fact, but it is a fact. I usually don't comment or post about my time at the welfare office, but today was an odd day.....

To the meathead:

We get it. You're a bad dude. If the homemade prison tats didn't clue anybody in, the fact that you held a conversation at a decibel level above that which normal conversations are held, all while cursing loudly and threatening someone's well being, did. I really hope that the "motherfucker" you were "going to kick [his] teeth in" escaped your wrath. For future reference, though, if you plug your headphones into said phone and start listening to "Papa Don't Preach" by Madonna loud enough for everyone in the immediate vicinity to hear.....we're going to laugh at you.

"I'm a Barbie girl.....in a Barbie worrrrllld...."

To the methhead couple next to me:

Arguing over who spent your rent money to "party" is dumb. Especially since you weren't fooling anyone since you referenced "party" over 80 times in your argument. Especially since apparently, you both weren't at the same "parties". Everyone knows you were referring to drugs. Nobody is that stupid. Oh, and the tickling/wrestling/dry humping bout you performed for A FUCKING HOUR after the fight? A little overboard. 

P.S. - Asking me for change at a welfare office should be criminally stupid. If I had expendable income, I wouldn't have to be there. Dumbfuck.

"Y'all got a cheeseburger?"

To the security guard:

Quit yelling at the children running around and having a good time. I'm sure I can speak for everyone when I say we would rather dodge them and hear them laugh, than stay stationary and SCREAM FOR FOUR HOURS. Oh, and "Security" carries the connotation that you are protecting us against something, so you might want to get your old fat ass up off your ergonomically correct chair and, I don't know, secure the perimeter of the office or something....at least secure the perimeter of your own desk.

To the little girl in front of me with McDonald's:

Your parents should be put to death. It's bad enough that there are 100 people trapped in this office, afraid to get up and lose their place in the rotation, bad enough that most of us had been there for over 4 hours, but you bring in a greasy bag of Mickey Deez and start eating your delicious golden fries ONE BY FUCKING ONE. I'm surprised and disappointed that you did not create a mob scene.

I love my visits to government.

You've been McServed...

For my non-AZ friends, and those who may have missed it, an Arizona woman was banned from eight local McDonalds in Gilbert, Chandler, and Phoenix because she scientifically exposed that your kids were playing in a pool of filth.

By David Kadlubowski, AP

I really hope this is one that passed her test.

Look, everyone knows that these play places are basically petri dishes for new strains of whatever virus is hitting us next, but she started this crusade after a little investigation led to a whole bunch of shit.........no, literally.

Carr-Jordan's campaign, which covers six states, began in earnest after she had grime samples tested that she'd collected from a play area at a McDonald's in Tempe, Ariz., and discovered they contained pathogens found in fecal material and mucus, the Republic reports.

What she thinks set off the backlash from McDungnalds franchises was an incident where she found MRSA in a Gilbert franchise, and did what any crazy soccer mom would do.

Carr-Jordan tells the Republic that she believes the incident that set off the ire from McDonald's was one that took place at a Gilbert, Ariz., restaurant, where she found MRSA in the restaurant's PlayPlace and informed the manager as well as customers with children. When she saw one child licking the equipment, she demanded the restaurant close down the play area.

Crazy lady. Doesn't she know that the McManager can't shut it down just because a kid is licking the equivalent of about a billion buttholes? Besides, he has more McRibs to feed people like me.