The Government Draws the Line at Super Heroes.

While on my normal daily search for some sort of intellectual humor, I found this story. Not necessarily humor, but after some brief analysis and common sense, you can get some chucklefucks out of it.

Basically, for those that don't like to click links to read my source material, the Department of Defense liaison to Hollywood pulled the U.S. Military's "involvement" in the new mega-hit movie, "The Avengers".

But wait.....it gets better. According to Phil Strub, the DOD liaison, it was because the DOD couldn't discern who the fictitious, quasi-governmental/global/peacekeeping/military organization S.H.I.E.L.D. answered to.

"We couldn’t reconcile the unreality of this international organization and our place in it,”

So......the Department of Defense pulled support for "The Avengers" because it is UNREALISTIC.

Forget the fact that THE AVENGERS include a frozen, genetically modified soldier from World War II, a gamma-irradiated scientist that turns into a huge green beast, a Norse demigod, and a billionaire playboy philanthropist with a heart condition AND A SUIT OF ARMOR. No....the unreality of this situation is who S.H.I.E.L.D. answers to.

Forget the fact that THE (original) AVENGERS debuted almost 50 YEARS AGO, so the storyline, characters, and organizations in the movie should have come as absolutely no surprise to someone with Google and half a brain.

Here. Let's look at some of the movies Mr. Strub has contributed to, with the DOD's blessing, and I'll be sure to post the synopsis of the films as well......

• Transformers: Dark of the Moon

• Autobots Bumblebee, Ratchet, Ironhide and Sideswipe led by Optimus Prime, are back in action taking on the evil Decepticons, who are eager to avenge their recent defeat. The Autobots and Decepticons become involved in a perilous space race between the United States and Russia, to reach a hidden Cybertronian spacecraft on the moon and learn its secrets, and once again Sam Witwicky has to come to the aid of his robot friends. The new villain Shockwave is on the scene while the Autobots and Decepticons continue to battle it out on Earth

• Battle Los Angeles

• Los Angeles and other cities around the world are being bombarded by meteors that seem to be slowing down once they hit the earth's atmosphere. The earth is suddenly being invaded by space aliens that have landed off the shore of LA, and who begin killing everybody along the beach. The military is ordered into action. Marine Staff Sergeant Nantz (Aaron Eckhart), who was about to retire, is reassigned to a new platoon. The platoon, flown by chopper to the forward operating base at Santa Monica Airport, is being led by a new 2nd Lt. Martinez (Ramon Rodriguez). They are sent on a mission to rescue some civilians who are trapped at the police station within alien territory. They only have 3 hours to complete their mission and get out before the Air Force bombs that zone.

• War of the Worlds

• Ray Ferrier (Cruise) is a divorced dockworker and less-than-perfect father. When his ex-wife and her new husband drop off his teenage son Robbie and young daughter Rachel for a rare weekend visit, a strange and powerful lightning storm suddenly touches down. What follows is the extraordinary battle for the future of humankind through the eyes of one American family fighting to survive it in this contemporary retelling of H.G. Wells seminal classic sci-fi thriller

• Jurassic Park III

• Dr. Alan Grant is now a happy man with the previous incidents of Jurassic Park now behind him. Grant is that happy that he announce in public, that nothing on Earth can persuade him back onto the islands. Maybe nothing, except Paul Kirby. Kirby and his wife, Amanda want a plane to fly them over Isla Sorna, with Dr. Grant as their guide. But not everything Kirby says is true. When the plane lands, Dr. Grant realizes that there is another reason why they are there, that he doesn't know of. Now, Dr. Grant is stuck on an island he has never been on before, with what was a plane journey now turned into a search party.

All TOTALLY believable films. I mean, I fight off alien invasion every week. I'm glad the DOD makes sure these films are totally realistic, so I know how to fight off the robots and aliens when they come. Oh, but that's not all folks, the real travesty is that the DOD actually DID throw their support fully behind a blockbuster film due out this year.....

Oh, in case you haven't heard, this movie is based on the board game. AND IT HAS FUCKING ALIENS....because, you know, that was in the game.

  Based on the classic Hasbro naval combat game, Battleship is the story of an international fleet of ships who come across an alien armada whilst on a Naval war games exercise. An intense battle ensues over sea, land and air. What do they aliens - known as 'The Regents' - want?

This article has an excerpt of an email sent by the US Navy on their involvement in Battleship.

 Produced by Universal Pictures and directed by Peter Berg, BATTLESHIP was made with the support of the Department of Defense and the Navy.  As you know, we ask ourselves some key questions before supporting a major motion picture. First, does the script accurately portray the Navy?  Second, does it positively represent our service and our Sailors? Third, can we support a film without impacting our operations? And finally, do we believe that it could have a positive impact on recruiting?  In the case of BATTLESHIP, we felt the answer was “Yes” to each of those questions.

Wow. So, recruiting numbers should go up, because fuck yeah, I want to fight aliens, and the women sailors look like Rihanna? Where do I sign?

Ugh.

SooperDad's Most Wanted

Welcome to a (hopefully) brand new series here on SooperSenchrul. During a conversation with Crazy Dumbsaint of the Mind, she suggested that I recruit a nemesis. Instead, I will fill the interwebz with SooperDad's Most Wanted. Criminals of intelligence. Thieves of common sense.

We all have our dumb moments. Moments where we do something that we wish we could take back. Moments that our actions are so incredibly stupid that we wonder how we lived to the age we currently are.

To highlight these moments of stupidity, I will begin to chronicle these nemeses(?) in a weekly series, but I need help from you. If you recognize a candidate for nemesis, e-mail the SooperHawtline at Sooperdadblog@Gmail.com to get them on the radar.

First up, the Stalker Box Stalker.

Everyone has experienced or seen one of these criminals. Somebody that sees their friend comment in the ticker on the right side of Facebook, then clicks on the activity, and decides to add absolutely nothing useful to the conversation.

Clarissa - you're using text messaging incorrectly.

I've actually fallen victim to this criminal's persuasion when I commented with a joke on an apparently renown underwater photographer's page. I luckily deleted before he saw, but I narrowly escaped becoming part of this gang.

Usually, this group is made up of the elderly, or the technologically inept. These criminals may become belligerent when confronted for their mistake, and may become aggressive to anyone that challenges them. Once they infiltrate a post, the disease spreads, because then the rest of their gang sees it and may decide to bring more inane rants into the fold.

This post lured two of these villains to the light.

  If left unchecked, these criminals eventally go on the offensive, posting a status demanding concessions from the page or person. These demands include repenting, censoring, or terminating the "offensive" material. Most of the time, logic prevails in these situations, and the criminals are thwarted. There are occasions where the problem goes unchecked for an extended period of time. This is dangerous, and can result in a massive stupidity headache later.

Oh Cindy......

It's up to you to keep cyberspace safe. Be vigilant, SooperPhrends.

Parent of the Year 2012

As the year draws to a close, we are bound to start seeing the "Best of 2012" lists. Here at SooperHQ, we are also doing the Best of 2012....but for parents.

And not the cute mom and son playing together, or the dad that gave his kidney to his daughter. I'm talking about WTF parenting. All of us can't be Ward or June Fucking Cleaver (it's really their middle names, both of them) all the time. There are times where we slip. Unfortunately, these slips have made it to the interwebz.

So, without further ado, I give you the nominees for WTF Parenting of the year 2012. Leave a comment with the number of your vote, and we'll crown someone the WTF Parents? of the year!

1.

Many of you have seen this picture over the past year.....what goes better with Jack than smokes?

2.

Passenger safety, brought to you buy your local grocer.

3.

Carpooling at its finest. Also, F*$k tha police.

4. 

Yes. Don't trust the kids with an iPad? Get a firearm!

5. 

I got those bitches some Heiny. Bitches love the Heiny.

6.

What's worse? The fact that this guy is lazy enough to do this, or the kid getting a CO facial?

7.

The raccoons had finally initiated parents into their lunch money bullying pyramid scheme.

8.

A cleaner, more efficient lazy parent than the dude on the motorcycle.

9.

Sir. You obviously are an idiot. The baby goes where the arrow says.

10.

Nothing says fun like urban camo and electrocuting children.

11.

Economics, PE (sports on the TV), Social Networking. I see no problem here.

12.

The all new Toyota Tundra. Seating for 25.

13. 

Not making fun of fat people, at least she's trying. But, holy hell, she HAS to know her kid is uncomfortable.

There ya go! 2012 WTF Parents of the year nominees! Have a good weekend, SooperPhrends!

We now resume your dysfunctional family programming....

Amanda and I finally got around to watching back episodes of Modern Family on our DVR. I think this show is truly the best show ever made. Who would have thought that Doc Brown** would have made the funniest show ever? He must have fixed his flux capacitor and hit 88 mph, because he's making enough cake from this show that he doesn't need to sell the plutonium to the Libyans. (yes, that's 3 Back to the Future references. I'm a geek, live with it.)

             Yeah. This guy in the brain machine is the executive producer. 

What other shows about family entertained us? Thanks for asking. 

SOOPERDAD'S AWESOME DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY SHOW TIMELINE

1. Leave It To Beaver, 1957

Some of you may disagree, but this is where the dysfunctional family entertainment began. Sure, it's touted as wholesome family entertainment, but we are glossing over the major sociological points that make this show DANGEROUS!

Stereotypes:

What they say: "The main character is a portly child who gets himself into situations of mischief and humor"

What they mean: "Fat kids are troublemakers."

What they say: "Mrs. Cleaver represents the ideal wife and mother of the time period."

What they mean: "She was going to cook dinner and have that house clean before Mr. Cleaver came home....if she knew what was good for her."

What they say: "Eddie Haskell tries hard to win the attention of Mrs. Cleaver"

What they mean: "Mrs. Cleaver is a MILF."

Gee, Mrs. Cleaver, my doc said my Tuberculosis would go away if I saw you naked. You don't want me to be sick do you? *coughcough**

2. The Andy Griffith Show, 1960

Single dad raising a crazy redhead kid in the backwoods of Mayberry. Oh, and the dad's co-worker is a cracked-out guy WITH A GUN. And seriously, I think Aunt Bea was selling herself out....she made WAY too many "pies" for a family of 3.....

P.S. - If you are whistling right now, STOP. Immediately. I'm not kidding.

"I was banging 7 gram rocks, that's how I roll......what? Charlie who?"

3. All in the Family, 1971

I personally never had the good fortune to watch any of these episodes, and from what I can find, I have a feeling I know why...from Wikipedia:

"The show broke ground in its depiction of issues previously considered unsuitable for U.S. network television comedy, such as racism, homosexuality, women's liberation, rape,miscarriage, abortion, breast cancer, the Vietnam War, menopause and impotence."

AWESOME! Sounds like this show was way ahead of its time. Doesn't every family have some sort of these issues floating around in one dark corner or another? This show just saved us the trouble and condensed it into one alcholic bigot, Archie Bunker. 

No wonder you guys were always high in the 70's.

In this picture: a horrible bigot, homophobe, all around terrible person...and Carrol O'Connor.

4. The Cosby Show, 1984

I know....you're probably saying, "Are you kidding me? There's nothing wrong with the Cosby Show!? LOL!!1!", but you'd be wrong. This show should be forcibly removed from the "Sitcom" category and put into "Fantasy". 

Evidence Item 1: Mr. Cosby was a OB/GYN. Mrs. Cosby was a lawyer. I have never met anyone from either of these professions that were home as much as they were, or in an even-tempered mood as much as these two were. Pure Fantasy.

Evidence Item 2: The "hot" sister, Denise, left for "college" after season 3. We all know that hot girls aren't smart, and Dr. Huxtable was all about making sure his kids earned what they got, so how exactly did Denise pay her tuition? *Hint: Google Angel Heart (it's not safe for kids)*

Evidence Item 3: Any normal father in his right mind would have sent Theo far away from the rest of his family as to not taint whatever intelligence remained in his children after being exposed to Theo for a number of years.

Apparently, New York is the coldest place on the planet. Sweaters were mandatory in the Huxtable home.

5. Married...With Children, 1987

The king of dysfunctional family sitcoms, about to be replaced by Modern Family. This show hit closest to home for a lot of America, and was hilarious in doing so. Do I believe a lot of fathers now base some of their personalities on Al Bundy? Yes, I do. But he was awesome, so it's ok. And I blame Katey Segal for my affinity for redheads.

And a heartfelt thank you to Christina Applegate for getting me through my awkward teenage years.

Look, I'm not trying to say to base your family life from these sitcoms. These shows provide a glimpse into the messed up worlds that are our families. All of them. There isn't one person that can't find some kind of messed up in thier extended family, so we may as well make the best of it. And, they're hilarious; the shows, and our families.

**ED NOTE: Apparently, I was incorrect in the assumption that Doc Brown was the producer of Modern Family......but I'm leaving it in because Back to the Future. And fuck you.**

Bashing Black Friday? Yes, please.

Look, my lazy behind doesn't want to get out of bed (or stay up) at the asscrack of dawn on the day after ingesting fine cuisine and imbibing choice beverages. I'd rather get some shopping done early! And I'd rather not pay for it! The word in the English language that piques the most interest when said? FREE*. So check out this giveaway hosted by my good friend, My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream. Get some! And tell her that ice cream was delicious!!

*Totally made up fact, but sounds legit, right? ;)

Black Friday presents a lot of irresistible bargains, but none are as good as getting something free. That's why My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream has teamed up with Sooperdad Blog of Awesomeness, Surviving the Spawn, Freetail Therapy, Loving Life as Mommy, Plum Crazy About Coupons, Blog by Donna, Coupon Gator Mommy, Capri's Coupons, Meg's Moxie, Coupon Savvy Sarah, Zoe's Printable Coupons, and more great bloggers, to bring you LOTS of free stuff!

There are over 40 great prizes that will be going to over 40 different winners! You can check out reviews of all of the items on My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream.

All of the prizes are listed on the Rafflecopter form below. Winners will be chosen at random. Entering the giveaway qualifies you to win any of the prizes. There is not a way to enter to win a specific prize. The giveaway starts 11/12/12 at 12:01 AM, and ends 11/21/12 at 12:01 AM. Winners will be notified via email, starting on 11/21/12. Giveaway is open to US and Canadian residents. All entries will be verified.

To enter, use the Rafflecopter form below. If you don't see it, try refreshing the page. Good Luck! a Rafflecopter giveaway

SooperDad Blog of Awesomeness received no compensation for this post. My opinions are my own, and my differ from yours. SooperDad Blog of Awesomeness and My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream are not responsible for prize shipment.

Waste of humanity

This was from June 2012...

For those that don't know, I've had quite the issue with one Chris Brown.

I wish this fucker would just hide out and not enter the public arena EVER AGAIN.

If you haven't heard, Brown and his "entourage" recently got into a barfight with Drake's "entourage". At W.i.P club in SoHo, there was a lot of damage, one of Brown's group ended up in the hospital with pretty severe wounds, and Brown himself tweeted (and later deleted) a pic of his war wound.

He tweeted this pic with this post: "Ni**as throwing bottles! Y'all ni**az weak!"  

He also tweeted: "How u party with rich n---- that hate? Lol.... Throwing bottles like girls?#shameonya!" 

Fucking. Brilliance.

Not only are you CONVICTED ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE CHARGES, you are the posterboy for wasted talent. Sorry for your boo-boo, but "throwing bottles like girls" leads me to ask the question....

Did Rihanna fight "like a girl" when you beat the shit out of her?

This stupid fuck is STILL ON PROBATION. Needless to say, being in and around the vicinity of a bar fight isn't the smartest place to be, but we all know that intelligence isn't this fuckstick's strong point.

It's reported that Drake bounced out before the fray started, meanwhile, the CONVICT that was ON PROBATION stuck around and decided that his best option was to "man up" and get violent, and then tweet and DELETE his dumbass tweets AGAIN. 

I bet his lawyer is buying his Mabach right now.

WTFriday!

Whilst in the midst of doing my chores for the week (no mice or birds came and sewed me a tux. No bell peppers turned into a Ferrari for me. *sigh*), my youngest boy decided to play pretend with the laundry basket.
For those of you that know me, what I am going to say next may shock you. Time to face my demons.
There is a certain picture that has been well hidden (but threatened to have put on shirts in order to celebrate my high school and college graduation), and for good reason.
When I was younger, I loved Magnum P.I.. I used to pretend that I had a bitchin' 'stache and drove a Ferrari.
So, here it is......2 generations of awesomeness.

A Season of Thanks...

I try not to be a charity case.

Stop giggling. I'm serious.

After the election, I'm sure you all saw some nasty shit posted on people's personal walls. I'm sure you also saw some gloating going on. I'm pretty sure there were a few confused, worried, end-of-days type posts in there too.

Hell, even I got into the act:

Heartfelt. Poignant. SooperDad 2016.

And I meant it.

And then some awesome people with access to more resources than I affirmed my suspicions about this great nation.

The time isn't right to give thanks to these individuals (if they even want to be recognized), but rest assured that I am awed by your generosity and willingness to give freely. People that I have only interacted with on a social media site, or online in some capacity; people that I have never gotten the opportunity to shake their hands, or give them a hug...these are the people that did this.

I try not to be a charity case. I built my life on trying not to ask for anything. My health has dealt me a kick in the nuts. These people have given me access to things I never thought I would have or do, with the promise that once I get back in a position to do so, I will pay it forward.

How freaking powerful is that? Here, have this....I don't want to be compensated, just do the same when someone else needs it.

Generosity and faith in humanity abounds. 

...........I'll get back to being funny soon, I promise. ;)

The ONE Political Post...

So, Super Tuesday came, and being the model citizen I am, I visited my local polling place and cast my vote. I am going to tell you who I voted for in a second. Let me first preface this by saying that this is the ONE SINGLE time I will post my political opinions on this blog. I don't want to demean anyone else's candidate or the voting process, or the right to vote that has been fought for and died for by men and women braver and better than I.

However, I believe the political system is flawed. Severely. Flawed.

I am not trying to shit on the country, or the great people in the country. What I am shitting on is the two party oligarchy known as our political system. I saw this photo posted on Slice of Humble's wall today:

Tyson/Nye have more intellect than everyone else on the ballot, combined.

Notice anything? I sure as hell did. I noticed that two sets of these candidates weren't even on my ballot. Were they on yours? Come to find out that there were a PLETHORA of candidates that weren't on some state's ballots. I'm sure it has been like this for a while, but this is the first time I've actually noticed....or cared to notice. 

So, my question is...why haven't we heard from these candidates in the mass media? All the politicians tout "informed voters", but how informed can we really be if we don't hear everyone's argument? I know that hearing EVERYONE would be time consuming, and impractical, but there is a Libertarian candidate, Gary Johnson, on pretty much every state's ballot. Why was he not at the debates? Why haven't I heard his platform? 

Sure, a lot of this falls on my shoulders for not following through and doing my homework. I accept that. What I can't accept is the fact that even if I DID do my homework, I might not have been able to vote for who I truly wanted to. I could have written in, but you get what I'm saying (I hope).

I tire of career politicians. I tire of mudslinging. I tire of dancing around during the campaign with no concrete platform or plan on how or what the candidates will do in office. If someone walked up to me with a docket full of answers and plans; if I agreed with them or not, I would have to give that candidate an advantage for being intelligent enough to put together a coherent plan. Sticking to it would prove another challenge....

Back to today's election. This brings me to share with you who I voted for. 

I wrote in Ron Swanson, a fictional character from the NBC sitcom, Parks and Recreation. 

Why on Earth would I "waste" my vote this way? Let me explain.

Neither of the two major donators candidates appealed to me. I didn't like many aspects of either of their campaigns. Swanson, however, as a FICTIONAL CHARACTER, exemplifies what *I* want in government....

"My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he's allowed to decide is who to nuke. The man is chosen based on some kind of IQ test, and maybe also a physical tournament, like a decathlon. And women are brought to him, maybe...when he desires them."

"I've been quite open about this around the office: I don't want this parks department to build any parks because I don't believe in government. I think that all government is a waste of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely for profit by corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model. I would rather work for Chuck E. Cheese."

So...I usually hate the "no vote is still a vote" malarky that some people espouse, but today, that is EXACTLY what I did. Chalk it up to a change in attitude, but I am disgusted by the whole political machine in this country. 

Again, this opinion is mine, and mine alone. If you don't agree, then that is your right. However, if you don't treat your fellow readers humans with respect regarding their opinions, then how do you expect them to respect yours?

MANstaches

Sorry for my sporadic posting, but I decided to get back on the ball for MANday. 

Since Movember is almost over, I thought I would make a list of the best MANstaches to date.

#5 - Sturken der Stachen

What better place to start the list than a MANstache so iconic, that it takes up most of the character's face? 

I solely thank Mr. Chef for opening my generation to Swedish culture, for if that had not happened, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo series would have remained an underappreciated Swedish political opinion piece. Plus, trying to understand him was near impossible. Between him and Ozzy, I stayed off drugs so that people could understand me.

#4 - Smooth like a Colt 45

Give it up for the only black man in the original Star Wars Trilogy.

Even Kirk had a black woman on the crew.....

Anyways, this MANstache is the only reason that white people recognize an obscure brand of malt liquor, and for that, sir, you are a god amongst men.

#3 - The Asterisk

It's an asterisk because technically, it's a beard, but you tell him that.

Plus, he did a geek commercial. How awesome is that?

#2 - Smokey's Stache

Not too long ago, he shaved his MANstache, but hey, he got to look at Demi naked.....

I'll refrain from the obvious Loni Anderson jokes. (Don't ask. Just don't)

#1 - King MANstache

The only reason every kid in the 80's wanted to wear Hawaiian print shirts and drive Ferraris.

Yes, the inspiration behind my most embarrasing photo as well....

And then there are the ones that didn't quite make the cut, but need your support for thier Movember campaigns. The month is almost over, head on over to thier pages and show them some love, support Men's health!

Chris T. - looking ever so much like Uncle Rico. He's still reliving his glory days too. It's kinda sad.

My cousin, Justin P. - This guy can rock the Ron Burgandy 'stache. I've seen it.

Help out these guys reach their goal for Movember. And before you say anything, yes, ladies, you can see where all the good looks went in my family.