Thursday, October 13, 2011

Zombie Househusbands

Holy crap! Another week almost gone already. Maybe it's the fact that I sleep less than 5 hours a night that tricks me into thinking the weeks go slower than they do.

"Thanks for walking us to school, Dad!"

The 3 things about insomnia (to tell your dumbass friends and/or children when they accuse you of being dumb):

#1 - Doing something productive while you're NOT sleeping does not mean you're staying awake on purpose.

Look, it's either stare at the ceiling for the next 6 hours, read through the 3 week backfeed in my RSS reader, or finally get that achievement for harvesting 7 million crops in a night. I'd rather not just lay there and stare at the ceiling. 

On a side note, when you do just lay there, does your brain go nuts thinking about irrational crazy shit? Something like, "Was that a car door? Who the hell gets home this late? Maybe it's a home invasion, and they're parking down the street. I should make sure I can get to my gun. But if I get up, won't I throw a shadow to the front of the house? I have a pen in my nightstand. I'll just stab them to death. I wonder what obituaries say for death by Pilot. I love Pilot G6 pens. They are God's gift to writing utensils. I think I'm going to handwrite everything from now on. Ugh. Now I need paper to write all this stuff down."

#2 - "Micronaps" are perfectly normal

So yes, occasionally I nod off like a geriatric for 2-4 minutes at a time. I feel special when I do it, like I'm one step closer to being a full-on narcoleptic. Now if I felt the same way about being so close to having Tourette's.......

#3 - I would prefer not taking medication to sleep......unless your mom comes to visit.

When I was a kid, Benedryl was the only thing that really worked on my allergies. The downside? I was incapacitated for about 72 hours. But that sleep was the deepest, most restful sleep I have ever gotten. Now, I can't be that comatose because of the kids, chores, responsibiliblahblahblah. Besides, I think if I was really that deep asleep again, I would probably wake up to a hospital bed and a frazzled wife. 

So....I'll just keep plowing through my days, and living my nights high on the farm. Until 3 a.m. Yay.

Have a good Thurdsay!

No comments:

Post a Comment