Dude, You've Got an Awesome Ward-Bro-be

What happens if you get a bunch of surfer bros that just want to chill and wear tanks with awesome pictures of them doing bro-like stuff? Well, if you're these guys, you create Mantanks.com. These guys have created a site where you can upload your own pics onto a tank top so you can totally bro out on the weekends.

Go ahead, tell him he's holding that wine glass wrong. The testosterbrone is too much.

Now, if you're looking to do something worthwhile with your textiles (see what I did there?), a family member of mine has actually created a charity that benefits the Los Angeles homeless. The charity is called Povertees, and they sell hand-crafted shirts and use the money to help out the less fortunate in downtown LA. If you have a minute and an extra buck or two, get a shirt or donate to them today! Go and like their Facebook page and visit their website!

#YODO

So, ladies, it's T minus 3 days until you get the baby-oil induced hot flashes thanks to Magic Mike.

However, not to be outdone by this sudden surge of interest in stripping, one man has stepped up to the plate.

Robert Gene White, a 67 year old man from Texas, enjoyed "several lap dances" from the ladies at a local gentlemen's club. When they came at the end of the night to collect on his tab, they found out he was DEAD.

It's like EVERY episode of C.S.I. Las Vegas. EVER.

And this, ladies, is why men are superior. We don't do the dine and dash, we get the grind and go (trademark pending). Because there's nothing better than leaving your earthly body behind covered in glitter and cheap perfume.....maybe some mouthwash from the men's room attendant.......not that I would know anything about that. *cough*

Anyways, Mr. White is my new hero. Not only did he go out doing something he absolutely LOVED, he did it for FREE! He's just as passionate about saving money as he was about seeing naked ladies. So, Mr. White, in honor of you, I've decided to change the #YOLO (You Only Live Once) that all the cool kids seem to be using as an excuse for everything to #YODO (You Only Die Once), in the hopes that when our time comes, our punched ticket will be as great as yours.

Big thanks to Inside the Mind of A Ghetto Genius for showing me this first.

Guest Blog!!

I know I've been away for a few, but if you haven't heard, Manderstanding asked me to write a post for them, so you can check it out here!!!

Would you like my organ inside of you?

Going through my RSS reading, I fancied across this image, which gave me reason to pause....

I had to study it. Every inch.

If you can't read the copy, it reads "Becoming a donor is probably your only chance to get inside her". 

Obviously, with my heart issues, I cannot be a donor anymore, but family and friends have signed up to be donors since my health issues, and for that, I am thankful.....now, back to the ad.

This is the best advertisement by a government entity (albeit Belgian government) to get people to donate organs EVER. And before you ladies get all huffy about sexism or whatever it is you guys bitch about when us men are enjoying advertisements for charities, organ donations, adopting puppies, or whatever good cause we enjoy staring at half naked women for, here are a few reasons why this is the best ad ever.

First off, this ad is from 2008, and while racy, gets the attention of a whole gender. Oh, by the way, the gender the ad is aimed at is found to have better organ compatibility with both genders, so that organs donated by males are typically less-rejected than female organs.

Closer to my wheelhouse, it has also been found that when looking at hearts donated to same-sex patients, males have "significantly improved short- and long-term survival" while "no survival advantage was seen for women with same sex donors".

Now, let's also make sure that it's said that men are typically reluctant to sign up to be organ donors, and therefore, ads like this trying to prod males to register to be organ donors are HELPING the cause, not trying to piss women off. So get over it.

Besides.....she's hot.

FFS Friday

Lately, my wife had an obsession with the Bravo show "Don't Be Tardy For the Wedding", which followed tramp housewife Kim from Real Housewives of Atlanta, as she found her dream man, Kroy Biermann, defensive end for the Atlanta Falcons.

It was her.......personality that caught his eye first (allegedly)

Anyways, the show was actually pretty good, and Amanda got me sucked into watching the wedding. Now, Kim's a little crazy, but she had her wedding decked out like a boss.

And, here's where we get to FFS Friday. If you want to go full crazy for your own wedding, you can. Ladies, contain your orgasms.

UGGs brand now has a separate line of WEDDING FOOTWEAR. I couldn't make this shit up.

The Fluff Flip Flop I Do! sandals are a STEAL at $80 because fuck your wedding day, you want comfort, and nothing says comfort like faux-sheep prison flops.

Ladies, you might as well just walk down the aisle in your sweats that say PINK across the back, your hair up in that messy bun, and your tight pajama shirt.

FFS.

Out of the way, we're gettin' married, y'all!!

The 3 Things.....About Facebook

Recently, Facebook went public, and all the complaints about Facebook ON Facebook multiplied exponentially. Even I was not immune to bitching about the operation of my social media provider. Stepping back and looking at it rationally, however, people have little to complain about.

1) Facebook is a FREE SERVICE.

I couldn't alter the font-type any more on the last two words. Bold, underline, and italic are not enough to stress this most important fact to most of the complaints. Basically, the fact that Mr. Zuckerberg kept his website free to use for everyone automatically allows him to auto-answer every complaint with "Go Fuck Yourself." Because you aren't paying for a service, you have no say on what that service does with IT'S OWN CODE. Hate Timeline? MySpace is still open. The new layout giving you fits? Go to Google + and talk to none of your friends. Pics won't upload? I hear Microsoft has a new social network. Wonder how many people are using that....

Pictured: Zuckerberg reading Facebook improvement suggestions.

2) Facebook will NOT use your private information, no matter how much you hear otherwise.

There are a handful of conspiracy theorists that believe that if they input personal information, such as address, date of birth, and gender, that that information goes to advertisers and fan pages. I can see basic demographics on my fan page, such as age, region, and gender, but that's it. No specific addresses, no Social Security numbers. Before you say "Yeah, Soop, but the ads on the right side are based on stuff I post and comment", listen to what you JUST SAID. IF you post something on Facebook, or comment on something on Facebook, it is NOT PRIVATE. THAT is the information they use. The code does not read minds, it finds keywords (most likely misspelled) and targets ads to those keywords. Pretty simple.

3) YOU are NOT the customer.


As much as people tell you that you are Facebook's customer, think about it. Do they make money from a single user? The short answer is: "You're a dumbass." The long answer is that the money that Facebook makes comes from advertisers. The product they sell is access to you. They have over 10 gajillion people they can use as product. Here is a typical Facebook marketing conversation:

Advertiser: "What can we get from your company?"
FB: "Access to 10 gajillion people EVERYDAY."
Advertiser: "Here is our checkbook."

The best part? They don't pay taxes on their product, like the retail businesses and warehouses do. That should start a whole new level of pitchfork and torch carrying. Enjoy!

I Refuse to buy "Feminine Hygiene Products"...

A while back, some of you might have read my post on my improvisation when my son was out of diapers.

Apparently, my boys over at The Art of Manliness decided that I was bush league (pun intended), and posted 10 survival uses for a tampon. A SINGLE TAMPON. 

Now I don't have to do the aisle shuffle of shame when procuring my spouse's hygiene products. I will hold my head up high and say "What?! It's for my blowdart fletchings!"

Think about it. Tampons signify everything horrible in a man's life. No sex, wildly out of control mood swings in the woman, and just general walking on eggshells. There's no wonder that men despise being cornered into having to go to market to purchase these individually wrapped units of evil. Now, however, men can use the excuse that he is "restocking his survival kit" with "vital implements of male domination when faced with daunting challenges from nature". 

Much more interesting than "Feminine Hygiene Products"