Just say no...

I don't know what's worse....that this guy died, or that this incident was caught on video.....

I.......I don't...........I give up. Read the whole story here.

I think they craft Kryptonite here...

This weekend, the family and I hit our local mall, and visited the seventh circle of Hell, otherwise known as Charming Charlie's. 

I knew something was wrong when upon entering, the overwhelming smell of cat lady nearly knocked my olfactory sense into submission.

Here's what this store is - according to the ladies: 

Charming Charlie is a fashion accessory boutique that has been delighting women of all ages since 2004. Through a unique blend of fun, style, color and affordability, Charming Charlie helps shoppers pull together their look through the key finishing touches – earrings, necklaces, bracelets, handbags, scarves, belts ... in a fun, boutique environment.

Let me describe it for the fellas:

Remember those plastic rings and shitty gold-tinted bracelets you used to get from the quarter machines at the store?

These ones.

Apparently, whatever cartel stuffed these things with the jewelry decided that the quarter gig wasn't working anymore, and decided to open a "boutique" and charge 80,000% profit margin on thier crap.

AND they seperate it by color.

This is either the html codes for colors, or a Charming Charlie store layout. Guess which.

What really got me though, was standing in this store for OVER A FREAKING HOUR watching the retired cougars (yes, they might have been cougars once.....last century) go apeshit over this crap.

......and I was sick of being a model. Damn my good looks.

SooperReflections Sunday

I'm really trying to take this whole "on the seventh day He rested" thing to another level.

I think I might have ADD.

Naps are the greatest gift Mankind has ever recieved.

I want to produce the first christmas light string that uses 60 watt regular lightbulbs.

My 4 year-old can navigate YouTube better than I can.

I wish I had more friends of different ethnicities/religions for the sole purpose to be invited to thier houses and eat different kinds of foods.

I have to find a way for this blog to generate revenue. It's awesome enough, I'm thinking a subscription fee.

No, that would drive my core fanbase away. All 5 of them.

Food is expensive.

Except Ramen.

 It's naptime

 

 

It's Faturday!

For some reason this morning, my oldest daughter was watching "Cupcake Wars" on Food Network. I looked for the "Green Bean Casserole Cupcake" that was on the show she watched, but couldn't find it.

Alas, don't fret, intrepid kitchen conquistadors, I have found a better recipe, that speaks very deeply to my German roots.

I give you......Beer and Sauerkraut Fudge Cupcakes with Beer Frosting. No typos.

Ingredients

• 2/3 cup butter
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 3 large eggs
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder
• 2 1/4 cups sifted all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon soda
• 1 cup beer (recommended: Capital Munich Dark)
• 2/3 cup sauerkraut
• 1 cup raisins (optional)
• 1 cup chopped nuts (optional)
• Beer Frosting, recipe follows

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line standard cupcake pans with 18 cupcake liners.

 

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream butter and sugar until light and smooth. Add the eggs, 1 at a time, beating until each is smooth, scraping down the sides of the bowl if needed. Add the vanilla. Sift the cocoa, flour, baking powder, soda, and salt in a large bowl. In the creamed bowl, alternate the leftover ingredients beginning and ending with dry ingredients. Stir in the sauerkraut. Fill the cupcake liners 2/3 full. Bake until the cupcake springs back when touched, about 35 minutes. Transfer the pans to wire racks to cool completely before removing the cupcakes.

 

To assemble: Frost the cooled cupcakes with Beer Frosting.

• This recipe was provided by professional chefs and has been scaled down from a bulk recipe provided by a restaurant. The Food Network Kitchens chefs have not tested this recipe, in the proportions indicated, and therefore, we cannot make any representation as to the results.

Beer Frosting:

• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 3 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar, divided
• 1/3 cup unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1/3 cup beer, divided (recommended: Capital Munich Dark)

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, mix the softened butter with half the confectioners' sugar. Add the cocoa, salt, and roughly 1/3 of the beer. Beat until smooth. Alternate adding the remaining sugar with the remaining beer and beat until fluffy.

WTFriday!

Comic-book nerds have always had the stigma of living in their mothers' basements and just overall, being social outcasts.

 

This does ABSOLUTELY ZERO to help this image.

 

I give you.....licensed by DC Comics.......superhero Snuggies. *facepalm*

"Mom!! I told you not to come in the Batcave!"

The Man of Fleece

And..for the ladies. I don't see how this helps with housework, but whatever.

How F-ing Ironic.

So, in Australia, apparently their head of television and radio standards (like our FCC), wants to censor thier internet. Because, you know, bad things happen on the internet.

Like lots of F-words.

Video below. Mr. Conroy's feet must be made of chocolate, because he's eating them pretty well.

 

The Evolution of Not So Manly Dancing

As I was cleaning the garage today (Very Manly.), a song came on with a dance/club beat, and I immediately jumped into my highlighter dance routine (Not So Manly, it will make sense later). After thinking about it, I noticed the trend of dancing subcultures that were considered wierd at the time....and not too manly.

The 70's - Disco

Let's face it, nobody wanted to admit they went to a disco hall to "cut a rug". If you needed a polyester jumpsuit and a huge mirror ball to feel manly, well then you're a manlier man than I, fine sir.

Testicles not necessary.

The 80's - Breakdancing

Actually, this might be the only really manly dancing in this list....who else is going to throw down a 1/8" piece of flimsy cardboard on a slab of concrete and spin ON HIS FREAKING HEAD.

Testicles EXTREMELY necessary.

The 90's - Rave

The beginning of Emo (in my opinion), Raves were kids who were too cool to go to a club to dance, so they went out into the desert or somewhere remote that nobody could find (even the people that wanted to go), and got drunk and danced like idiots. Here is where my highlighter dance comes in. I have people that can attest to my mad rave skills.

Little Timmy went on to become the most awesome Flight Deck Coordinator the Navy had ever seen.

The 00's - Dubstep

I must be getting old....what the......I don't even know what this is. *shaking head*

Testicles again not necessary.....wubwubwubwubwub.