WWWednesday!

Quick hit before I get to bizniss. After my charity event last month, I thought it would be nice to highlight my friends' charity fundraisers as well....so donate to Chris's Movember campaign for men's health and cancers here. Any kind of growth to cover up that face is well worth the money.

#5 - ...And Hipsters around the Universe rejoiced, for there was obscure music.

At StereoMood, they believe that:

behind every song there's always an emotion. we don't know why but maybe that's why we love music.

so we've created a way to suggest songs that follow your feelings: stereomood is the emotional internet radio, providing music that best suits your mood and your activities.

how do i feel? what am i doing now?

After selecting the "feeling", the site selects a playlist, which from the few that I browsed, seems like a lot of instrumentals and John Denver. I'm not saying it's necessarily BAD music, and the site does play appropriate music based on the feeling you choose, but I don't know why "I Miss Kevin" is a feeling....and a playlist.

#4 - Feeling smart? Try this and cry on your keyboard.

I'm a sucker for word games. Except Words With Friends, because April ruined that for me by annihilating me every game we played.

Yes, that is a 4-letter, 114 point word.

Try out Knoword, a game that gives you the definition and first letter of a word, and challenges you to find the correct word. Pretty neat game. Just remember that it's foreign, and they throw a lot of unnecessary "u"s in everywhere. My score was 555. 

You've been McServed...

For my non-AZ friends, and those who may have missed it, an Arizona woman was banned from eight local McDonalds in Gilbert, Chandler, and Phoenix because she scientifically exposed that your kids were playing in a pool of filth.

By David Kadlubowski, AP

I really hope this is one that passed her test.

Look, everyone knows that these play places are basically petri dishes for new strains of whatever virus is hitting us next, but she started this crusade after a little investigation led to a whole bunch of shit.........no, literally.

Carr-Jordan's campaign, which covers six states, began in earnest after she had grime samples tested that she'd collected from a play area at a McDonald's in Tempe, Ariz., and discovered they contained pathogens found in fecal material and mucus, the Republic reports.

What she thinks set off the backlash from McDungnalds franchises was an incident where she found MRSA in a Gilbert franchise, and did what any crazy soccer mom would do.

Carr-Jordan tells the Republic that she believes the incident that set off the ire from McDonald's was one that took place at a Gilbert, Ariz., restaurant, where she found MRSA in the restaurant's PlayPlace and informed the manager as well as customers with children. When she saw one child licking the equipment, she demanded the restaurant close down the play area.

Crazy lady. Doesn't she know that the McManager can't shut it down just because a kid is licking the equivalent of about a billion buttholes? Besides, he has more McRibs to feed people like me.

It's Faturday!

I know of someone who went to N'Awlins this week, and it reminded me of one specific event at my past job. 

We bought light towers from a company in N'Awlins, and to show their gratitude, the sales rep and an officer of the company came out to our store to cook some authentic grub.

The sales rep (what....you expect the exec to cook?) grabbed a HUGE wok that he apparently brought with him, loaded an empty 55 gallon metal drum we had on hand with coal, and cooked some of the best sausage and shrimp jambalaya I have ever had. I think just standing there watching him cook dinner in a 55 GALLON FREAKING DRUM might have enhanced the flavor. 

This then reminded me of the Cajun Colonel Sanders (trademark pending) himself, Justin Wilson. If any of you have not heard Justin Wilson, I Garontee that you won't understand a fucking word he says.....but he knows how to cook Cajun food! Too bad vamps, werewolves, fairies, and witches are overrunning Louisiana now.....

Justin Wilson's Jambalaya

 

The 3 Things....I Have to Remember About My "Tween" Child.

My daughter is getting older, and is beginning to put her toes in the pool of feminine hygiene....*shiver*. As she gets older, the way I interact with her is evolving....or is it?

The 3 things I have to remember about my child getting older...

1. HORMONES. Lots of them. Uncontrollable fits of rage turned to sobbing apologizing sessions. Children's bodies are changing, and that, inevitably makes their brain's chemistry change too. It's like me looking at a Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger. First I cry because of the sheer cheesy awesomeness that it contains, then I get angry that my diet doesn't have anything this great, then I get reflective, and remember all the good times, me and BUC had together.....like that one time...at band camp.

Anyways, for you parents that have already gone through this, I'm sorry about everything I've ever said about you being crazy behind your backs. Amen.

2. She is still the same person. Once I get past the hormones and the attitudes, I realize that she's still the sweet little girl we raised. Here's an example: (my wife will probably kill me for divulging this information, but it proves my point). We have a vacation "bucket", where we throw our change when we get home. Recently, Amanda has had the opportunity to take an extended learning class in another state, and wants to bring the family along. To boost the economy of our vacation bucket, we invited the children to add any money they wanted to donate to the family. Remember, this is THIER money that they did odd jobs for.

This is the most awesome Odd Job EVER.

Anyways, my daughter put in a sizable sum. A few days later, she was acting strangely, offering information about her friend who gave her money to buy books at the school book fair. My wife and I went all Batman detective style and found some money to be missing out of the bucket. When we confronted her, she broke down, admitted to taking the money, and accepted that she was going to be punished. I sat back, satisfied at the justice that was about to be doled out....and then it hit me. I asked what she bought with the money. She went to her room, came back out with 4 books. She had bought books for her siblings to keep them occupied in the car for the trip. There was no doubt about it, either, these books were for her siblings.

Mr. Sieckman! I'm shocked! Didn't we just remove your head from your ass?!?

She was lightly punished for not telling the truth.......but yeah, I felt like a jackass.

3. Peer Pressure. Kids that like school like it because they hang out with their friends. These friends may or may not have the same restrictions imposed on them by their das fuhrers. Because they are not cut from the same cloth, kids want to emulate the people that they are friends with, lending them to push the attitude threshold when confronted. For example (this didn't happen, btw). 

Daughter: "I'm wearing makeup to school"

SooperDad: "No.....no you're not."

Daughter: "Whhhhyyyyyy?? Everyone is doing it!"

SooperDad: "That's because they're sluts, honey. And the boys that do that don't know you exist anyways."

Above: The opposite of awesome parenting.

So again, parents of teenagers past and present, I salute you. I think the only way you guys got through it is because drugs and alcohol were so much cheaper back then.....

WWW Wednesday!

Sorry I haven't been posting, but as I explained on my Facebook page, I was busy helping the elderly, saving the rainforests, building strong infrastructures for third world countries, tutoring children with learning disabilities, out charity-ing Oprah (is that even a word?), and running the latest anti-establishmentarianism (oh yeah, I used it) campaign, #OccupyAwesomeness.

Anyways, today's www.Wednesday link I believe I have used here before, but I like it so much. The site is called Rap Genius. Here's the concept:

Take a rap song.

Analyze lyrics. 

Explain rap song to intellectuals.

Be awesome.

For fun, I took a rap song that we all should know, Sugar Hill Gang's "Rapper's Delight". Here are some of the explanations of the lyrics:

Lyric - "See I am Wonder Mike and I'd like to say "hello"

To the black, to the white, the red and the brown, the purple and yelloW"

Explanation: "Wonder Mike implies no racial barriers to the enjoyment of his music, including Grimace, Barney the Dinosaur, or Prince"

Lyric - "I got a color TV so I can see

The Knicks play basketball"

Explanation - "Back in the day (1979), having a color TV was pretty common in American households. But they were nothing compared to what they are now. They didn’t come in 20 different sizes & in multiple types (digital, LCD, plasma, LED, 3D) and color quality wasn’t great. There were no video games (at least that you could play on your TV like Xbox and PlayStation) for us to play for hours on end. There wasn’t 300 channels of mostly shit and there was no choice of TV providers out of a list of hundreds. Back then, the only thing that was on was the news, sport games, and a few cartoons (part of the reason why kids in the 70s spent most of their time outside).

They looked like this:

If he was to say that line today, i would probably go like this:

…I got an HDTV so I can see…"

How about a newer song? 50 Cent's In Da Club, you say? 

Lyric: "If you watch how I move you'll mistake me for a player o r pimp
Been hit with a few shells but I don't walk with a limp"

Explanation - "50’s been shot a few times, but he still carries himself like a well-sexed man — he does not limp (not surprising since he got shot in the head)

What’s strange is that a “pimp walk” often involves a limp or at least the illusion of a limp; counter-intuitive, no?"

 

Lyric -"If the niggas hate then let them hate and watch the  money pile up"
Or we can go upside your head with a bottle of bub'"

Explanation - "So, if they hate you have two options:

1. Let them hate, and watch the money pile up
2. Hit them in the head with a champagne bottle

The choice between these two, of course, was a common source of disagreement between Martin Luther King and Malcolm X

"

 

As you can see, you can probably waste a good couple of hours laughing at some of the explanations derived from these lyrics. Sucks for your boss, but good for your soul.

 

Enjoy!

WTFriday!

This week, some SooperFans decided to get me a gift. Meet Roxy Starr.......yup. Roxstar.

She's a purebred Queensland Heeler, and uber-cute. The fam is in love, but I'm trying to train her to be my awesome henchperson. Amanda wouldn't let me name her Mrs. Bigglesworth :(

WTF!? Isn't she cute?

The 3 Things...Our Children's Children Won't Learn In School

Back online! Thanks to a VERY generous donation by an unknown benefactor (Thanks, Mom and Dad), I am once again able to grace all of you with my brilliance!

Parent-Teacher Conferences this week! (Yay...) Has anyone ever had the teacher tell them, "Your kid is a vicious procrastinator, disrupts learning constantly, and is just a threat to future society as a whole"? No?? Just me?

Anyways, the meetings got me thinking about what our grandchildren will not have to learn that we had to learn....

1. Penmanship

It's a fact of life that technology renders pen and paper communication near obsolete. We grew up with book reports, essays, and diaries. Our grandchildren will only know .docs, .pdfs, and .txts. My kids do a lot of writing in class, but I read about schools installing more computers, and even using iPads to perform their schoolwork. Think about it. Kids don't even have to pass notes in class anymore. Texting takes care of that. When are our grandchildren going to have to put pencil to paper, besides.....well.....never.

2. How to compose a sentence. 

See that green squiggly line? Right-click and change. Grammar checking has become more and more common in standard software such as word processing, browsers, and even some chat clients. The ability to determine grammar mistakes by a computer virtually guarantees that our grandchildren won't have to learn how to properly conjugate verbs, and still sound like a CEO.

3. Deadlines

Again, back to technology, but it seems like it's the driving force behind societal changes at the moment. Future children won't need deadlines, because thanks to the internet, social media, and other networking platforms, assignments, meetings, possibly classes, tests, etc. will all be in real-time. The way they will turn in an assignment will be to upload a file when complete. Sure there may be the 100 page essay (they won't have to cram words into the margin to finish a sentence. Sigh.), but for the most part, they will be able to complete and grade assignments in real time, over a digital connection.

I feel so old. I still remember records. My parents owned an 8-track player. We had a TV with KNOBS.......ugh.