Being from the Southwest US has its advantages. No snow, no rain, and no green vegetation being some of them.
Mexican cuisine is VERY popular down here. Not Taco Bell Mexican cuisine, I'm talking serious "you better find the location of every restroom between this place and your house" Mexican cuisine. A lot of the restaurants make sure to let everyone know what style Mexican cuisine they have. Everything from mariscos to the standby arroz con pollo.
Much like the rest of the world, Mexican cuisine is different by region. Granted, I was unaware of each region's specialties, but a big one here is Sonoran style cuisine. All I know about Sonoran style cuisine is that it's Mexican food.
Now, forward to driving around downtown Mesa. Imagine my surprise to see this local joint touting Sonoran food.
What.
Of course, I laughed at this, and said "Go home hot dog stand, you are drunk". But then, I decided to found out what exactly was going on here. Turns out.....it's a real thing.
The Sonoran-style or Estilo Sonora hot dog, found in Tucson, Metro Phoenix, and in neighboring Sonora, Mexico, is a hot dog wrapped in mesquite-smoked bacon then cooked on a grill or on a griddle or comal,[2] then topped with beans, grilled onions, fresh onions, tomatoes, mayonnaise, cream sauce, mustard and Jalapeno salsa or sauce and served on bread and often with a side fresh-roasted chili. It originated in Hermosillo, the capital of Sonora.
So...hot dog, wrapped in bacon, toppings, MAYONNAISE, CREAM SAUCE and JALAPENO SALSA.
For the most part, when it comes to social settings, I'm a closet geek. I don't get involved in geekly activities, I prefer to be that wallflower that everyone thinks is planning to burn the place down.
The one thing I have ultimate respect for in the geek world is cosplay. People that have enough passion about anything, especially comics and pop culture, and enough talent to create stuff to symbolize that passion? Geek gods. At least 2 of my children have admitted that if they could, they would like to get into the cosplay world.
And that kinda scared the shit outta me.
There are so many people that believe that cosplayers are bleached blonde, surgically enhanced women that have no idea what they're even dressing as, no idea about the geek culture, comic culture, and are just wearing outfits that near lingerie because they have the bodies to do it, and like attention.
And some of that may be true. And that's why it scared me.
Meet Taffeta Darling.
She's a cosplayer in the Dallas area. She also co-hosts a radio program about all things geeky. She also likes geek trivia. She also runs her own Etsy shop selling her various crafts. Do you see where I'm going with this?
Oh yeah, and she can kick your ass at CoD.
So, you ask why would I be introducing Taffeta as the example of a cosplayer? Because if my girls ever wanted to get into cosplay, she would be the template. Yes, she's attractive, but her costumes are more cerebral than mammarial (is that even a word?). From the characters she picks to portray, I believe that more than anything, she ENJOYS what she's doing. She doesn't need attention, she loves doing it. Here are some examples of her costuming:
Dot Matrix from Spaceballs
Velma from Scooby Doo
Two-Face from Batman
Seymour and Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors
Coach Lisa from Weird Science
Rockford Peach from A League of Our Own
Combine that with the fact that she knows the geek culture well enough to hold her own with people like me, in mom's basement, watching sci-fi reruns, debating the best RPG ever made (Final Fantasy series, don't test me). Why wouldn't you want your little geek girls to grow up like this?
You can subscribe to Taffeta's facebook wall here. I suggest you do it. She's pretty awesome.
I believe that children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride.
Damn, someone should write that shit down. That's catchy.
This is a throwback post. I posted this picture on my personal Facebook wall while a looooong time ago, the end of January, 2011 to be exact. Recently, I've seen a lot of teacher fails on the interwebz, so I decided to dust this old picture off, and share it with all of my SooperPhrends.
This was an assignment for a 2nd grade class at my children's school (the same one they're attending now). Anyone notice a problem here?
This disturbed me for two reasons. It means that a child picked Ms. Rowling for his/her assignment, and also THE TEACHER SIGNED OFF ON IT.
Future leaders, y'all. That's what we're pumping out.
Last weekend with the SooperKids, we were jamming out to tunes in the car. Suddenly, "Class A Team" by Ed Sheeran came on. I knew the song was about the dangers of drug use, but it's poignant and just all around a great song. Then I looked over to my oldest daughter to see her singing the words......especially the line "Go mad for a couple grams/And she don't wanna go outside tonight/And in a pipe she flies to the Motherland/Sells love to another man". As much as this disturbed me as a parent, I discussed the song with her, told her what the lyrics meant, and explained drug use and what it does. Then we watched the video together, which reinforced my little speech.
Then I started thinking: Music has such a powerful influence on us. On our moods, our lives, our memories. Do I censor radio or internet play when an inappropriate song comes on around my children? Yes, of course...to a point. I don't think my three year old singing Enrique Iglesias' "Tonight, I'm Fucking You" would be appropriate. Or the fact that she wants to brush her teeth with a bottle of Jack.
Don't get me wrong. I am a hypocrite. When I was 12 years old, I bought my first CD. It was the standard issue CD for every middle class white kid from the suburbs.
suck it, Ke$ha.
While my parents weren't necessarily approving, they allowed me the freedom to explore my own path enough for me to make my own decisions. However, I was not 3. I was 12.
So, as I was thinking about the music and lyrics appropriate for my children, I began to dissect the music world. I began listing songs and how they fit into specific categories.
1. Social Issues/Political Issues
While many citizens want their entertainers to entertain and stay the hell out of politics and messages, there are SO many songs that are great, but also raise awareness of some of the darker aspects of our society, culture, and political system. Here are a few:
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - "Face Down"
Domestic abuse, anyone? There have been multiple songs tackling this issue, but I prefer this one, specifically for the chorus.
Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?Well, I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to endAs your lies crumble down, a new life she has found
Apocalyptica ft. Corey Taylor - "I'm Not Jesus"
OK, I'll see your domestic abuse and raise you child abuse by priests. No, really. If you haven't listened to the words of this song, it's an angry response to a horrible experience that no child should have to go through. The fact that you can feel Taylor's anger and resolve through his voice makes the song even better.
I thought you were a good man,I thought you talked to God.You hippocratic, messianic, child abusing, turned satanic. Do you remember me?Do you remember me?The kid I used to be?Do you remember?Do you remember?
2. Drugs
Eric Clapton - "Cocaine"
Perhaps the only way to talk about cocaine in the 70's was to just say fuck it, name your song, and then repeat the word throughout the song. Also, my uncle taught me these lyrics when I was about 4 and then sent me to sing to my mom. She was not amused.
Grandmaster Flash and Melle Mel - "White Lines (Don't Do It)"
If you grew up in the 80's and didn't dream of pulling out the cardboard and breakdancing to this song, I'll call you a liar. Another about cocaine, but a warning instead of a ballad.
Ticket to ride, white line highway Tell all your friends, they can go my way Pay your toll, sell your soul Pound for pound costs more than goldThe longer you stay, the more you pay My white lines go a long way Either up your nose or through your vein With nothin to gain except killin’ your brain
3. Storytelling
Rather than just blither about something for 3 and a half minutes, many artists weave a story that resonates with people, and most of the time, the stories are amazingly creative and poignant.
Five for Fighting - "100 Years"
Great song about trying to make every moment count.
The Rolling Stones - "Sympathy For the Devil"
One of the greatest songs ever. Personifies the devil as the bringer of evils in the world, but also a refined gentleman.....kinda.
4. Inspirational
Songs that invoke a response, a call to action, or just a "feel good" attitude are sparse, but there are some.
Katy Perry - "Firework"
While taking a break from her Friday night menage a trois, she managed to pull this out...
Christina Aguilera - "Beautiful"
I was debating on what to call this artist, because she's shed her skin and changed so many times it makes my head spin....but this is a great song.
Sarah McLachlin - "Angel"
If you haven't seen this meme, see it now. If you say it's false, I will call you a liar and then kick you in your puppy hating shins.
There are only two things you can do when you hear this song start this commercial. You can change the channel quickly like the cold, heartless bastard you are, or, you could try not to let your kids see you tear up at a FUCKING COMMERCIAL.
There you go. A small sampling of Soop's musical thought process......I know there's more, so what's your favorite songs in these categories?
So I got tagged in this chain post by My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream. I guess I can divulge some info about Soop, and why he's the awesomest cat ever. I usually don't do these things, because I hate talking about myself. I almost typed that last sentence without laughing.
1. Where were you born? A modest home in a middle class suburb of the planet Krypton.
2. Were you named after someone? What most of you don't know is that my middle name was given to me in honor of how awesome I would become. Sooper ChuckNorrisBruceLeeBacon Dad.
3. How many children do you have? Four of them. Only because I can't count higher than that.
4. How many pets do you have? A feral wolf named Bacon. A spider monkey named Kevin. People think I have some severely twisted case of Tourette's when I call them.
5. Your worst injury? Other than my heart attack? That time when I got too close to red kryptonite.
6. Do you have a special talent? Being awesome. It's kind of a full time job.
7. Favorite thing to bake? HAHAHAHA BAKE. Baking is for soccer moms and various reality shows on Food Network. The only thing you need to COOK is bacon.
8. Favorite Fast Food? Bacon.
9. Would you bungee jump? I love bungee jumping. But I don't use bungee cords. I use twine.
10. What is the first thing you notice about people? Usually it's a toss up between if they realize that they are in the presence of awesomeness and breasts.
11. When was the last time you cried? When I put out a fire at an orphanage with my tears.
12. Any current worries?I worry that this universe cannot hold all this awesomeness, and will soon be torn to shreds. I can't move to another universe again, it's hell boxing up my shit.
13. Name 3 drinks you drink regularly. Lava, Broken Glass Cocktails, and Toxic Waste.
14. What’s your favorite book? My autobiography. Signed edition, 1st run.
15. Would you like to be a pirate? Pirates are sissies.
16. Favorite Smells? Bacon
17. Why do you blog? If I don't share my awesomeness, the cyber world would devolve into using DOS and eventually go back to banging rocks together to communicate.
18. What song do you want played at your funeral? This song. With this guy.
Tosh.0
19. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? That I am but a vessel for awesomeness. A lowly vessel.
20. Favorite hobby? Being awesome. Although overthrowing dictatorships is fun too.
21. Name Something you’ve done, you never thought you would do? Been named King of the World. Twice.
22. What do you look for in a friend? Someone that can amplify my awesomeness by being just a little less awesome than me.
23. Favorite fun things to do? Hunting sparkly vampires.
24. Pet peeves? Stupidity. And anything that Ke$ha puts her STD laden touch on.
25. What’s the last thing that made you laugh? Grumpy Cat. I'm supposed to tag people to do this same post, but I don't believe in gracing people with that kind of awesomeness. It just leads to jealousy by peers and the misguided notion that the people chosen are just as awesome as me. If you want to do this, please do. If not, revel in this awesomeness. Read it twice . You can never have too much awesome.
For those of you that may not know me.....I'm kind of a nerd. If you ask SooperPhrend The Bitchy Housewife, she will tell you without a shadow of a doubt that I am a nerd. Probably because between our discussions on Doctor Who, comic books, LARPing, and various other awesomeness, she is a nerd too.
Being a nerd doesn't lend well to my mechanical skills. My dad is a machinist. He makes things. Out of metal. With like drills and hammers and shit. I nearly failed metal shop, forever solidifying my place as the black sheep.
For our final project in metal shop, we had to create a funnel out of sheet metal. This included shaping, spot welding, and soldering various pieces to make the FUCKING TIN MAN'S HAT. Going to Auto Zone and springing $1.99 wasn't good enough for Mr. 8 Fingers, the teacher, so we had to build a tool that was "useful", because all the prom queen nominees in my metal shop class were going to be under their Cabriolets with an oil filter wrench and a fucking funnel.
Anyways, I couldn't get my funnel to stay welded. I had to resort to my worst case scenario....asking my father for help. He eloquently expressed his desire to allow me to fail metal shop just for the purpose of making me take the class again. Tense times, y'all. It ended up with my father welding the defective parts of the funnel together for me in the middle of the night, and a legend was born in the SooperFamuly's history books, to be retold at numerous family gatherings, and any other opportunity to teach a lesson about procrastination.
The funnel was my elephant lamp.
Fast forward 20+ years. My 6th grader has a project to create her own "invention". She decides she wants to build a shopping cart/basket that scans items as you put them in. Being the nerd I am, I decide to get involved in the design process. Sounds easy. Get some LED lights, a battery, and good to go, right? A trip to Radio Shack and $20 worth of LED lights, battery holders, wire, resistors, and solder later, and I'm good to go. What the fresh hell have I gotten into? It's the fucking funnel all over again.
What the hell does a resistor even do??
No worries, I got this shit. Put some solder here, there, everywhere.......right? Is that what I do?
Yes, I know it looks like a 6th grader did it. That's the point, peeps!
After wiring and soldering, mounting and testing, the moment of truth arrived. Will my lamp light up when I pull on the trunk?? The scene played over and over and over again. The funnel was laughing at me from over my shoulder.
Suck it, funnel.
The best part? My father walked in after it was done, and congratulated me. Said it looked "cool".
And now this tale will live on as the day SooperDad redeemed himself from the fucking elephant lamp.
Streaking is a part of sports culture. Usually the massively drunken, poor choice, humiliation from co-workers and family part of sports culture. Usually.
File this in the "there's an exception to every rule" department. At a high school game, some guy decides to go "Frank the Tank" and run onto the field naked.
Except this dude has a plan. A badass lucha libre mask masks his awesomeness so that the humiliation may be offset until the time he gets caught...............if he gets caught.
...................................for those of us with external.........sensitive areas of our bodies, if you didn't cringe when the dude hurdles the railing AND THEN scales the chain link fence and still has his manhood intact, you may as well shed a tear, because that is an epic feat. Also, not only did he do the Birthday Suit Triathlon, he was forward thinking enough to have a getaway plan.
In case you guys didn't hear, I have a dog in this year's Super Bowl hunt. The Niners made it in with a rookie QB, and a sick case of the runs. (Get it?)
So, I came across this video, some of you may have seen it already, but it's a Norwegian dude doing insane things with a football. Which is weird, because I didn't know football was big in Norwegia.
Trick shot videos are nothing new, but this guy is good. On the other hand, he's a kicker, and if you had to pick the least favorite position on a football team, it would be the kicker 99 times out of a hundred. Kickers are the guys that took their sister to prom. No kid wants to grow up to be Sebastian Janikowski or Scott Norwood. Is the Patriots kicker married to a supermodel? Didn't think so.
As my friend The Bitchy Housewife would gladly tell you, I am a nerd. I play video games, I watch Doctor Who, I like comic books, so apparently, I am a nerd.
So when my favorite local artist announced that he and another artist would be doing Spongebob sketches today, I thought my kids would enjoy some original art. Custom sketches. Meaning Spongebob could be anything.
Before I tell you what they wanted, let me remind you of Big Chris. He's the awesome artist that was cool to my kids and I at the Phoenix Comicon last year. He has given his work to charity, overcome huge obstacles.....and now has a Little Wood on the way with his lovely wife, Beth.
And the dude is so humble, friendly, and awesome, even while having the physicality of a professional wrestler. He colored my kids' sketch while joking with them, talking with me, and the rest of the small crowd gathered there. His wife Beth talked to us at length while we were waiting.....and the best part....
They asked if I was gonna blog about it.
Of course, I played it off like no big deal, but how can I let that go? I mean, really? This grinch's heart grew three sizes today.
So, thanks to Vince DePorter, Chris and Beth Wood, and Hero Comics, this is what my kids asked for:
I just overheard this on the radio here locally, and had to check it out for myself.
Some of you may remember when I volunteered in my 4th grader's class, and saw a child wearing a shirt with this:
A thinly veiled threat.
For those of you that are unaware, this is Arizona State University's new "marketing" campaign. The "hand gesture" is supposed to be a pitchfork, which is the Sun Devil's weapon of choice. Shouts of "Fork 'Em" have been heard at Sun Devil Stadium for years.......but this is different. Again, for those unaware, let me show you what this hand gesture means on the streets, yo (I'm so hood):
The shocker, also known colloquially as "two in the pink, one in the stink"[1][2] is a hand gesture with a sexual connotation.[3] The ring finger and thumbare curled or bent down while the other fingers are extended. The index and middle fingers are kept together (touching) and the back of the hand faces outwards (away from the gesturer). The gesture refers to the act of inserting the index and middle fingers into a vagina and the little finger into the receiver's anus, hence the "shock".
So, imagine my surprise to see this in a 4th grade classroom. NOW, I hear that some schools have taken to twitter to further support their sports programs. How, you ask? Let me introduce you to Sundevilboobs.
It's pretty tame, actually. No nudity (that I saw), just a bunch of women in ASU gear, throwing up the "pitchfork". Way to solidify yourselves as an institute of higher education, ASU. On the other hand, the school did slip some spots in the coveted Playboy Top Party School poll last year, so maybe this is an attempt to redeem themselves.
After my gym rage yesterday, I decided to dictate my observations, being a gym newbie. There are all types of people that use the gym I go to.....but I have a feeling some of these generalizations fit in gyms everywhere. And before you get all huffy, these generalizations are not gender specific. Women can be just as scary in the gym too. Don't get your panties in a bunch.
The Resolutionary
Apparently, the Resolutionaries are pretty much dreaded in the gym community. These are the people who apparently make their resolutions, go to the gym at apparently the same time as everyone else that matters, and then disappear a few weeks later. I am in this category, btw, until apparently, I get accepted by the other gym goers. I think they jump me in or do some weird Lord of the Flies ceremony or something. I'm waiting for my invite.
Next year, I'm going to start renting more movies or something. This shit sucks.
The Diva
Designer "workout" clothes, not one hair out of place, and a strong dislike of that pesky sweat ruining their makeup identify the divas. If you are unsure you are a diva, here's a quick and dirty litmus test.
If you spend more time primping yourself to go to the gym than actually exercising at the gym, you're a diva.
Notice there's no pics of her actually working out? Just sayin.
I thought it was physically impossible for divas to walk and talk at the same time, but sure as shit, for the hour on the treadmill, they usually have their phones (complete with bedazzled case) to their heads for the duration. I'm not sure if these people are going to the gym to pick up a partner, but here's a hint. 90% of the people there don't give a shit of your brand of workout clothes. Just because it says "Juicy" across your ass doesn't mean that we all swoon. And, it's false advertising. I feel so violated.
The Creeper
Creepers usually sit at a station, but the time spent idle at that station far surpasses the time actually used on the station. The "rest period" is spent ogling the other gym patrons. Not even stealth ogling, either. Flat out staring like Ron Swanson stares at bacon. You can spot Creepers by an inordinate amount of sweat that is pouring from them, even though they haven't exercised yet. The bold Creepers will offer to "assist" other gym patrons. Let me tell you something. When they ask if you need a spot...............just say no.
This is not "spotting" you, ladies.
Creepers are usually spotted around the yoga, Zumba, or spin classes. Don't ask how I know. Just don't.
The Workout Hipster
This sight also struck me last night. The Workout Hipster uses the equipment in the proper manner......until they decide to switch things up. I get working out different muscle groups by switching your routine, but walking backwards on the treadmills while doing dips on the handrails is just odd. I'm all about efficiency, but you can space those out a little in order to avoid those scared, confused looks thrown by people going the correct way on the treadmills. Also....exercise balls do not belong on elliptical machines. Just a tip.
The only acceptable use of backward walking on treadmills.
The Gorilla
The Gorilla is that guy in the gym that wants everyone to know why he's in the gym. TO GET RIPPED, BRO. He makes the most noise possible, because it's HIS gym. Between his grunts, and chants of "One more set, bro!", the Gorilla stalks around the gym, panting and flexing like his roid contact is moving out of state. Gorillas can be found by the mirrors, admiring themselves without abandon. Don't ever struggle with your workout in the line of sight of a Gorilla. The Gorilla will point and laugh and call you a sissy. And you will get upset, until you leave and remember that you have a job and shit.
BRO! MY TIPS ARE SO FROSTY! LET'S DO ANOTHER SET!
The Silverback
For every yin, there's a yang, and the Gorilla's yang is the Silverback. Silverbacks are usually bigger than Gorillas, but have no ego issue. Instead of sneering at your workout, Silverbacks walk by, give a smile, or thumbs up in encouragement, and move along. Instead of grunting, throwing weights, and being an asshole, Silverbacks do their sets, put the equipment back, towel off, and move along. Silently. Silverbacks are what make normal people want to go to the gym. Now, if they could just kill off the Gorillas, the world would be a better place.
Way to go on your set! Want some ribs?
There ya go. Just my observations of a fat guy going to a gym in Anytown, USA.
Alright, peeps, back to the funny stuff. I heard you all, and this monkey dances. Just be sure to grind that organ, will ya? (Thatsoundedsodirtybutilikeit)
Anyways, have you peeps ever woken up in the morning, and said "Self, I missed the alarm. Looks like I'm cutting the shower out of the routine this morning, because I sure as hell ain't missin' my Starbucks."?
Sometimes, it happens. I get it. The time is short, and you have responsibilities, dammit! So you find all your clothes from.............what's her face's floor, do the finger toothbrush (don't you lie, you know you've done it), and leave in order to make it to work on time. The fact that your pores are leaking the remnants of last night's margarita bender, and your breath smells like.....something that your breath should NOT smell like, don't register to you. YOU'RE LATE FOR WORK DAMMIT. RESPONSIBILITIES. Then you curse to yourself because you're probably going to be too tired to stay out until closing time tonight. Fucking responsibilities.
Then you remember. In your lack of performing hygiene, you forgot that you have messy hair. GASP! Let me introduce you to....I shit you not.....a product called "Morninghead".
There it is folks. An absorbent shower cap that you fill with water, because showering is hard, yo.
And it better be bottled water, because tap water is DISGUSTING.
They actually are trying to market this to bike commuters and motorcyclists, which is a better sell than the one-night stand escapees......but the name. I cannot with the name. Might as well just have called it the JBF* Pro Hairstylist 3000. Copyright pending, bitches.
*JBF is an acronym for those unawares. The first two words are Just Been. Figure the rest out for yourself.
I haven't written for a while, and soon you will know why.
I am physically broken. I have had major health issues (which I repeat ad nauseum, because.....I can.), and this has led me to be wary of every little sneeze, pain, ache, scrape, bump, and bruise. My body is broken. Years of neglect and abuse have taken it's toll.
I am spiritually broken. My wife and I have decided to separate, after about a year of debate. It is amicable, and both my wife and I are working on making this an easy transition for the sake of our kids. Not being able to see my kids at a moment's notice is hard, but knowing that they have a good mother that will do what it takes to make them happy, healthy, and cared for eases that.
I am mentally broken. I revert to mind numbing tasks or repetitive actions to feel like I'm doing something.....anything. I could sit and stare at a wall for 8 hours a day and be ok with that. Some days I feel like the movie Groundhog Day, some days I feel like 300.
But...
I'm not worthless.
My body is still well enough for me to face each day. My medication helps, but my desire to be better drives me to get up, shower, and go for a walk. I can still cook. I can still type. I can still hug my children. I can still smile, and laugh, and cry. I am physically broken, but not worthless.
My spirit is rising. I know my kids are well. I know they are brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, and full of love, wonder, and attitude. I know my friends and family love me. I know that I have made new friends, and that they care about my well being. I am spiritually broken, but not worthless.
My mind is still sharp. I need to dust it out every now and then, but I can still compose words coherently, convey emotion and thought, and have intelligent debate (or not so intelligent, depending on which friend I'm debating).
I am a work in progress. I will always be a work in progress. I am broken. I am not worthless.
If you are struggling...with addiction, depression, home life, physical limitations, mental issues, or any other thing you allow yourself to believe is destroying you.....KNOW. You are broken, not worthless. We are all struggling with some demon. You are not alone. You are among friends, whether you know it or not. You are not worthless.
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