Newsday Tuesday!

Well, it's official. The economy SUCKS. Jobs are disappearing, we're in debt, and people are trimming the fat to get by. Except for one New York county, where they are trimming the fattest, jolliest, beardedest man to ever bring joy to little children everywhere.

Faced with the difficult task of balancing a budget in austere times, officials in New York's Suffolk County said on Friday they had no choice: they had to sack Santa Claus.

That's right, folks....Santa has been downsized.

See the full gallery on Posterous

Mr. Claus, you have to activate your COBRA benefits by the end of the week. Good luck.

The county executive said he could not justify carving out $660 from his $2.7 billion budget to pay David McKell, 83, a World War II veteran and former homicide detective, to don his Santa suit for the tenth year running and greet children on Long Island.

What a jerk. Jerks must come from Long Island, right, Rob?

But fear not, a generous benefactor from a neighboring town stepped up!

In the end, Steve Bellone, the current town supervisor of nearby Babylon, who is running as the Democratic candidate to succeed Levy (ed. note - the guy who sacked Santa), said he would pay for Santa.

Levy, who is not running for reelection, dismissed Bellone's gesture as "pure grandstanding", and said his office was investigating whether the check breached rules governing gifts to county agencies.

And your next sign of the upcoming apocalypse? Santa being used as a political "bribe" to the constituents.

*Sigh*

MANic MANday

Men are competitive by nature. God was probably trying to one-up someone when he gave men that trait. A good example of the competitiveness is shown in the movie The Jonses, when neighbors have to get the newest toy to keep up with the Joneses (I see what they did there.) For not a lot of fanfare (I didn't hear anything about it, just stumbled upon it one night), it's actually a pretty good flick.

Lumberg is laughing because his movie is still quoted heavily in popular culture. Poor Mulder.

Anyways, men have recently taken over traditional Thanksgiving dinners. I don't know when, why, or how it happened, but I have my conspiracy theory that a woman came up with the turkey frier to get out of doing Thanksgiving dinners, and the rest is history...and dangerous.

Nothing says "Thanksgiving" like 1st degree burns!

Me, being the SooperAusum manly man that I am, I am thinking about doing Thanksgiving dinner this year. Not frying, because I think one major trip to the hospital per year is good enough, thank you. I'm going more for content....which is why I introduce you to......

The Turducken

That's right. A chicken stuffed into a duck, which is stuffed into a turkey. Why? Because we're men. You're welcome.

P.S. - I apologize to my vegan friends, especially Maggie and Mike, who probably feel 10 kinds of violated by the above picture. But...it's still AWESOME!

It's Faturday!

So, today is Guy Fawkes Day/Bonfire Night. If you don't know what that is, allow me to explain in culturally relevant terms. 

It's a holiday to celebrate the capture and eventual execution of British domestic terrorist Guy Fawkes for trying to assassinate King James I by blowing up Parliament.

For those who don't know who Guy Fawkes is, his image lives on in crappy movies like V for Vendetta and a large group of computer hackers that think it's cool to be Anonymous.

Only because their local Party City were sold out of Freddy Kreuger masks.

Anyways, apparently Bonfire Night is a big night to cook a special kind of toffee, called Treacle Toffee (I only knew Treacle from Hogsmeade) that is designed to stick your freaking jaws shut. Looking at the ingredients and reading more about it, however, it sounds somewhat similar to a Sugar Daddy here in 'Merica.

While looking for recipes for Bonfire Toffee, I happened upon this page, which houses an extra recipe for Bonfire Baked Potatoes. The time that was wasted typing this recipe makes me question if Brits don't put mind-altering substances in their treacle.....

Happy Attempted Assassination Day!

P.S. - I prefer to rename this particular confection "Don't Gives a Fawkes Toffee". It seems to fit more with Guy's M.O.

WTFriday!

The Sieckman boys are carnivores. In fact, it's been scientifically proven that our happiness is inversely proportional to the time it takes to prepare our food. We've been known to stand with the fridge door open, randomly snacking on various pieces of leftover beef, sandwich meat, or any other hunk of formerly living animal we can forage from the fray. 

Preeeeecccccioooooouuusssssssss......

So, as we were visiting my parents' house this past weekend, it didn't shock me to find a little present left by my father when I went to use their computer.

That's a good snack right there. Too bad it's not finished.

The 3 Things...about Self-Employment

My father has been successfully self employed for well over 20 years. His small business has created jobs for family members, and recently expanded to more than 4 employees (none of which are family). I'm pretty proud of the fact that his business is hanging in there. 

My wife now owns her own aesthetic business, my sister and brother in law own run thier own business, and I've noticed that even in different industries, the perception of self-employment is the same. Here's what I've found:

#1 - "Must be nice to work whatever hours you want."

If anyone ever says this to you, and you're self-employed, I GUARANTEE that you have resisted the urge to punch him or her dead in the face. "Whatever hours you want" usually equates to roughly 9 a.m. to 10 p.m., 7 days a week. My wife has went in on her scheduled off days, stayed late for clients, opened early for clients; my dad has worked insane hours to meet deadlines. Here's the thing, it's not because they want to, it's because THAT is what is making their businesses thrive. Customer service is a lost art, ladies and gentlemen. Don't believe me? Find your nearest Wal-Mart and stand in an aisle for about 45 minutes........and then go look for someone to help you......and then find someone else that the previous someone sent you to because after 15 minutes of searching, he/she gave up and is sending you to a different department.

#2 - "You must make a ton, not having to split profits or anything"

This is the phrase that doesn't deserve a punch in the face. A kick in the shins will suffice for this dunce. Coming from personal experience, "ALL the profits" made in the course of business really means after the 75% gets put back INTO the business (products, wages, etc.), and the 15-20% in taxes that you have to put aside, You take your awesome 5% and go put that cash down payment on the Mabach you've been eyeing. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to know that a business is making money, and there are some that make a lot of money. But for the most part, having a roof over their heads is the best example a small business owner can show that they are successful.

Ironically, this is made with the actual amount the house is worth.

#3 - "There's no HR department, so you can do and say whatever you want."

They left out "Call your boss a douchebag."

Sigh.....this statement is untrue. As a business owner, you are not only the manager, purchasing agent, quality control, host/hostess, accountant, laborer, AND human resources department. Just because it's your business doesn't mean you can't lose your self control. There are still going to be jerk customers, jerk vendors, and jerk employees. There is no way for a small business to survive if they treat any of these people rudely enough to ensure that a negative word of mouth campaign IN THE VERY AREA THEY OPERATE IN would ensue. If a Wal-Mart has issues with staff, customers, or vendors in a specific area, they shut down the store and move it to another area. Small businesses can't do that. True, some businesses have used the Internet to increase their area of influence, but for the most part, they are local.

Now if you ever hear these words being said at a small business owner, tell them that their punk ass kid might be working for them someday, and to have a little respect. 

 

WWWednesday!

Quick hit before I get to bizniss. After my charity event last month, I thought it would be nice to highlight my friends' charity fundraisers as well....so donate to Chris's Movember campaign for men's health and cancers here. Any kind of growth to cover up that face is well worth the money.

#5 - ...And Hipsters around the Universe rejoiced, for there was obscure music.

At StereoMood, they believe that:

behind every song there's always an emotion. we don't know why but maybe that's why we love music.

so we've created a way to suggest songs that follow your feelings: stereomood is the emotional internet radio, providing music that best suits your mood and your activities.

how do i feel? what am i doing now?

After selecting the "feeling", the site selects a playlist, which from the few that I browsed, seems like a lot of instrumentals and John Denver. I'm not saying it's necessarily BAD music, and the site does play appropriate music based on the feeling you choose, but I don't know why "I Miss Kevin" is a feeling....and a playlist.

#4 - Feeling smart? Try this and cry on your keyboard.

I'm a sucker for word games. Except Words With Friends, because April ruined that for me by annihilating me every game we played.

Yes, that is a 4-letter, 114 point word.

Try out Knoword, a game that gives you the definition and first letter of a word, and challenges you to find the correct word. Pretty neat game. Just remember that it's foreign, and they throw a lot of unnecessary "u"s in everywhere. My score was 555. 

You've been McServed...

For my non-AZ friends, and those who may have missed it, an Arizona woman was banned from eight local McDonalds in Gilbert, Chandler, and Phoenix because she scientifically exposed that your kids were playing in a pool of filth.

By David Kadlubowski, AP

I really hope this is one that passed her test.

Look, everyone knows that these play places are basically petri dishes for new strains of whatever virus is hitting us next, but she started this crusade after a little investigation led to a whole bunch of shit.........no, literally.

Carr-Jordan's campaign, which covers six states, began in earnest after she had grime samples tested that she'd collected from a play area at a McDonald's in Tempe, Ariz., and discovered they contained pathogens found in fecal material and mucus, the Republic reports.

What she thinks set off the backlash from McDungnalds franchises was an incident where she found MRSA in a Gilbert franchise, and did what any crazy soccer mom would do.

Carr-Jordan tells the Republic that she believes the incident that set off the ire from McDonald's was one that took place at a Gilbert, Ariz., restaurant, where she found MRSA in the restaurant's PlayPlace and informed the manager as well as customers with children. When she saw one child licking the equipment, she demanded the restaurant close down the play area.

Crazy lady. Doesn't she know that the McManager can't shut it down just because a kid is licking the equivalent of about a billion buttholes? Besides, he has more McRibs to feed people like me.