Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Paging Dr. Prankenstein......

As any parent will tell you, children are a blessing. They are good for so many things, such as:

  • free labor
  • maid services
  • comic relief
  • an uncommon amount of stress and angst

And, they are best at being gullible targets for pranks to amuse thier parents.

With Halloween coming up, here are a few pranks parents can use to scare the crap out of thier kids. The BEST part about these pranks? You can use them for leverage if you want!

Carpet Crop Circles

Use a coarse hair brush or the upholstery brush attachment of your vaccuum to make distinctive designs in your carpet while your children are sleeping.

When your children awake, tell them you thought you heard a spaceship outside, and then act shocked when you see the designs (cry uncontrollably, scream, and flail. That scares the CRAP out of kids.)

Be A Hero: Let your kids in on the prank after they are done sobbing and calling the FBI

Leverage The Prank: Calm your kids, and then tell them that you think the aliens came because they did something bad. The next time your kids act up, do the designs again, then rearrange the furniture. Everytime, add something else and make your kids put it back to normal.

"I told you Mary, you should have finished your homework. Now the aliens have hidden all of your shoes. You're going to have to go to school barefoot."

Photo: Simply Bloom Photography

Alien X-Ray

Step 1: Recruit a co-worker, or someone your kids aren't familiar with.

Step 2: Buy a set of scrubs.

Step 4: Print the picture below onto a transparency.

Step 5: Schedule an appointment with your child's pediatrician.

Step 6: When you get called back into a room, text your friend to come in with the transparency and explain to your child that they have found an alien living inside your child's intestines. The only solution to this problem is surgery, but that your friend has to make sure with the doctor. MAKE SURE YOUR FRIEND TAKES THE TRANSPARENCY WITH THEM.

Step 7: Silently giggle in the corner when the doctor comes in to see your child cower in fear.

Be A Hero: Let your child in on the prank, introduce your friend, and take your kid out for ice cream.

Leverage The Prank: Have your friend come back in to explain that the only way to keep the alien from bursting through your child's skin is to eat all their vegetables and not turn down any food offerings made from thier parents.

"I've seen this before......frankly, it doesn't look good. You need an emergency xenosectionaphy. I'll be right back with the scalpels and the pliers."


Texas Chainsaw Alarm Clock

I saw this video a few years ago, but it still makes me crack up hysterically.

The premise: Let your kids watch the scariest movie you can think of. Wake up early in the morning, don a scary mask and a chainsaw, and wake your children up. Good for guaranteed crying and years of grudge-holding from your children.

Be A Hero: There is no way. You are a certified jerk.

Leverage The Prank: Start waking your children up all the time like this. Threaten them that you want to become a lumberjack, start "seeing" trees everywhere, carry your chainsaw around the house and mumble.


There you go! Just a start to a great relationship with your scared children. Enjoy!

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